[identity profile] skyrat13.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] theblackcross
Yohji was seething as he stormed upstairs. He made a bee-line for Ran's room, not even stopping to knock. He'd taken the sideways glance downstairs as permission to follow.

"Christ!" He yelled, flinging open the door. "I want to throttle that son of a--" he broke off, mid-rant as he realized he was yelling at an empty perimeter. He stared blankly at the room and it's lack of an occupant.

Huh.

It hadn't even occurred to Yohji that Ran wouldn't be here. Well, not considering that Aya-chan's room had now been vacated. The expression on Yohji's face darkened, although this time not from anger.

He backed out slowly and somewhat dazedly wandered back to his own room.

He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised to find Ran perched on his couch.

But he was anyway.

"Hey," he said, the volatility of his anger temporarily diffused.

He sat down next to Ran and gave him a pained smile.

Date: 2010-05-25 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
Ran gestured subtly to the room. "I'm sorry. I hope it's okay that I came here."

The words came awkwardly. He wasn't used to caring about whether he had permission for his actions, but his own room was his retreat, his safe zone, and he respected the others' rooms as such.

Yohji seemed deceptively calm, even with the ill-concealed surprise on his face. Had Ken really not gotten to him as much as it had seemed?

He looked away, straight ahead. He knew what he should care about - the details of his teammate's encounter with the telekinetic, mission plans - but he wouldn't have bothered to have left the mission room if he did in the first place. But Yohji seemed okay. Ken seemed not okay, but that wasn't new within the past day.

Ran really wasn't okay. He knew he should be. He should be the best he'd ever been.

He'd made the mistake of stopping in his own room before coming coming to Yohji's. His hands were clasped between his legs to steady them, but there was still a slight tremor that went up his arms. "She left a picture, Yohji."

His voice was deceptively flat.

She wasn't going to forgive him.

Wasn't that for the best? Less likely in that case for his sister to want to contact him, ever again. She'd be safer.

He drew in a breath. Since when did admitting his doubts help? Why did he think this was a good idea? He visibly shook his head to clear it, then focused his eyes on Yohji's, concentrating on the emerald color like a lifeline. "What really happened today with Prodigy? Is there anything else I should know before tonight?"
Edited Date: 2010-05-25 12:35 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-05-25 03:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
Ran couldn't help the twitch of his eyebrow at Yohji's offer to be roommates. He just couldn't tell when the other man was being serious, or teasing him. He felt out of place in Yohji's room though, and it occurred to him that it was because he could count the number of times on both hands that he'd been in there.

Yohji was suddenly close to him on the couch, one arm wrapping around him easily.

Warmth came so easily to Yohji. It was one of his biggest assets. One that Ran had undervalued before, he was realizing now. It was a commodity, not a weakness.

Right now, though, it threatened to bring Ran's own weakness to close to the surface. He frowned, and it only barely concealed the hurt he was trying not to feel.

It was not the time for it.

But then, when would be?

She's a smart girl, Aya-chan knew him like no one else could. She had known Ran.

So without her, did Ran disappear?

Yohji wasn't answering his questions, and Ran for once didn't have the energy to press it. He wanted to tell Yohji that he was fine but the words didn't come.

"I don't hold it against you if you thought about leaving like Ken said," he said instead, "Ken must, and I have. But I went to the one person I knew would tell me no if I asked to leave Weiss. We're too much alike. We're both still here because we need to be. I know what Ken was trying to do. It didn't work, Yohji. Whether you stay or whether you go, that's your choice."

Diversion again, but it was the one shot Ken had made that hit home.

Date: 2010-05-25 04:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
Yohji's words brought a little relief, but not enough. Ran knew words didn't mean much in the end - this wasn't the life any of them would have chosen.

Once. Except now he had done exactly that. By sending Aya-chan away, he had freed her, and made his decision.

He turned pained eyes to meet Yohji's again.

The blond had shown him there was more than just his job in it for him though. More than just living a life of discipline and vengeance and denial. There was a twist to Yohji's lips but Ran couldn't deal with the humor. He was suffering already from one void too many.

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Date: 2010-05-30 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
Ran didn't even bother to hide his expression. It didn't occur to him that he was showing his thoughts, he was too deep in them. He turned his head to Yohji. He was smiling, and Ran was amused despite himself by Yohji's not-unobvious shift to touch his side.

How could he not have known himself?

"You should quit," Ran said. He'd wanted to tell Yohji that for a long time, but had never felt he'd had enough impact on the other's life to have the right to do so. It wasn't that he didn't see Yohji's point of view - assassin was obviously up there on the most dangerous jobs list - but there was a difference between a death you couldn't avoid and one that you chose.

The words left his lips and he felt unsettled. There had been a change, and he was left wondering when during that week it had been made, how it had permeated his being without his detection. Had it happened so suddenly?

Was it a change at all? Had he felt this the whole time?

Comraderie, protection of and concern for a teammate, self-interest because they needed on another throughout their involvement with Weiss, interest because of the aforementioned reasons, hatred of Neu because she was Schreient and Yohji had been too blind to see, it hadn't been jealousy...

It had been jealousy.

Was it really so easy to confuse with...

The last time he'd felt such comfort that comfort had been taken away from him.

He had been a boy. He had changed since then. He had killed Takatori. Aya-chan was awake, and protected.

He hadn't expected such depth of emotion from such a simple act.

They had to suit up for the mission. Ran fell back on the excuse with relief. He eased himself up into a sitting position and swung his legs to the floor.

Date: 2010-05-30 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
Ran froze. It was expected. It was their pattern. He'd try to brush Yohji off, Yohji would try to stop him, Ran would be certain that he was right.

He was still certain that he was right, but his truth had changed. His actions weren't lining up with it.

He wasn't dumb enough to look happy. The truth just meant that they had more to lose than before. It was easier when it was just his own life he was gambling with. That had been a price he'd been willing to pay for justice. It would almost have been a relief, to let it all go.

Would have been. Before he knew himself.

"What did you expect to gain by this?" Ran asked lowly. He turned to look at Yohji's face. His own expression hadn't changed, though he felt his new knowledge begging on his tongue.

Date: 2010-05-31 12:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
"What if I die?" Ran asked, and felt immediately like he shouldn't have said it. Too honest, too close to Yohji's very real memories. But he had meant for it to hurt. It was his fear, and hearing Yohji say so flippantly that he could die happy...and Yohji had called him selfish. What was Ran going to do if Yohji died? What would be left of him then?

Yohji didn't have any reason to think it would affect him so deeply, Ran realized suddenly, his eyes widening again. He had done his best to convince Yohji that he wasn't invested in him.

He didn't know that Yohji believed him.

Ran's fingers indented the mattress before he surrendered and lay back down. He took in a couple deep breaths, but they did nothing to calm him. His stomach was fluttering, his throat tense. Shouldn't it be easier when he knew Yohji returned his feelings?

He didn't deserve to be loved. Perhaps that was why he couldn't quite believe that. Other than a body, he didn't understand what Yohji found in him.

The same thing that Ran saw in Yohji? Could it be? He blinked. It was just...an instinct. That was what he felt toward Yohji. A feeling of likeness. A feeling like he wasn't as alone as he had thought.

"I love you," he said. "You're an idiot if you think that's a good thing. It just means that we didn't have anything to lose, and now we do."

Now I do.

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Date: 2010-05-31 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
Ran frowned at the cigarette, opened his mouth, then changed what he was about to say. They were in Yohji's room and he couldn't tell him it wasn't allowed. Or could he?

"You should quit," He repeated, testing. "If we're in a relationship I think I can ask you not to kill yourself Kudoh."

He flicked his eyes sideways. "He's still Ken. He's still here. He was genuinely sorry for what he did to you, Yohji. I don't think we should give up on him yet. I don't know what happened between him and Omi, but from what I can guess it wasn't something that would encourage Ken to have faith in him as a leader. Omi's young though. Ken should have thought about that going in."

He reached over, plucked the cigarette from Yohji's fingers, and took a drag. A slight cough managed to make it out despite his efforts to repress it. He'd tried them before, but it had been a while. He handed it back to Yohj and shook his head. The taste was familiar because of Yohji's mouth and the smell had unfortunately become comforting because of its constant presence and association with the blond.

"We need him with us. It's better to have him on our team than trying to go vigilante. He'd get himself killed or get in our way. I hope Omi is using this time to talk to him."

Date: 2010-06-01 12:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
"I want to say you're being melodramatic, but I can't," Ran admitted. "I thought he was suffering from what had happened at the tower. It seemed like stress set him off. I can't tell anymore. You're closer to him." Yohji was closer to everyone, that went without saying. "Do you have any idea what's going on? Did anything else happen when you went to meet Prodigy?"

He frowned at the miracles statement. Did Yohji mean Omi talking to Ken, or him not smoking? He would classify both as common sense, not as miracles.

He had shifted his eyes to the ceiling again, but he turned his head to look at Yohji. "I like hearing you call me by my real name," he added. It was good to know someone still would.

Date: 2010-06-01 01:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
Ran remembered Sakura shooting a gun at him.

"Could it actually be Schwarz?" He mused. "But Schuldig hasn't controlled anyone when he isn't present. So it doesn't make sense."

He grimaced. "I'd like to blame it on something, but I don't know where to start looking."

It wasn't a good sign if Ken didn't care about getting injured for no reason, outside of mission parameters. It was reckless. He'd endangered Yohji as well as himself.

"He didn't fight me after I punched him. I gave him a good excuse to attack me and he didn't take it." He shook his head. "I agree with you. We'll need to be careful tonight."

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Date: 2010-06-07 06:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kansouame.livejournal.com
(Enter from Friday 1.20)

Omi frowned and licked his lips as his fingers flew over the small keyboard of his cell phone.

Yohji, meet me in my room ASAP. Avoid Ken. We need to discuss mission. Ran welcome.

(Exit back to Friday 1.20)

Date: 2010-06-08 02:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
Ran closed his eyes briefly, shifting gears behind his eyelids. Their discussion was foreplay for the mission anyway - it was disturbing to realize how far from being ready to kill he had been. The very last thing he had felt like doing, in fact.

A whole theater full of people. That prepared him in an instant, steel resolve clicking into place like a switch. He retrieved his clothes from various places in the room and yanked them on, handing the phone back to Yohji. Their hands brushed unintentionally - he nearly jerked away, but he met Yohji's eyes by accident.

He moved into Yohji's personal space, hand going behind Yohji's head for the instant he pressed their lips together.

They didn't have time for more discussion though. He broke it off quickly.

"I'll meet you there," Ran started for the door.
Edited Date: 2010-06-08 02:48 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-06-08 03:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genuinelie.livejournal.com
Ran blinked, mouth still slightly parted. He shut it with an almost audible snap, eyes brushing Yohji's quizzically.

Thank you...for the sex? For what he'd said, and now regretted saying?

But how could he regret something that was true.

There was too much left for them to say to each other. Ran didn't have the words for it yet in any case.

He turned on his heel and brusquely left Yohji's room for his own. He needed to prepare for the mission before meeting with Omi, just in case their time, as it was wont to do, got cut short.

[Ran exits for Friday 1.20]

Edited Date: 2010-06-08 03:16 am (UTC)
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