Monday 1.5 Afterparty

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

It had been easy enough for Ran to spend the day ignoring his teammates in the shop, the flow of customers constant and pushy enough to make his silence toward them natural.

He wasn't upset with any of them for the day before. If anything, he was mad at himself for the way he had handled it. He shouldn't have had to rely on them. It shouldn't have mattered what they had done - he should have been able to have dealt with the Kritiker agent on his own.

He couldn't change it. He could only be sure he'd be prepared for the next time.

He had missed Aya-chan in the morning. He knew Omi walked her to school, and he trusted his younger teammate with that, but he rarely missed seeing her off without telling her first. He hoped she would not feel neglected because of it.

Maybe she was relieved.

It was because of Kudoh. And that brought him to what kept circling in his ears since that morning. You only care if we are able to function on missions. Or whatever the man had said.

He couldn't get Yohji's words out of his head.

What did it matter? What did it matter to any of them? They hadn't chosen to work with each other. Or maybe they had, but he hadn't. He had just made a stupid mistake and had ended up on Yohji's bed...

The last of the customers trailed out and Ran slammed the door shut, flipping the sign to close.

It was as if it were Yohji's fate to be the bane of his existence.

He had ended up on Yohji's bed, and there Yohji was, mocking him with it that morning. Sprawled like a cat, rumpled shirt pushed up to show too much skin like his bed was a place he belonged...situation reversed.

Ran left the shop without looking at his teammates.

How dare he. He did care what happened to his teammates outisde of missions. He would be inhuman if he didn't. He lived with them, worked with them, killed with them. In some ways it was a more intimate situation than any relationship a normal person could have.

Was that what Yohji really saw him as, then? Inhuman?

Perhaps in many ways, Aya had been.

Ran, of course, was not any different. He had hoped once that returning his sister's name to her would also return who he had been, like a mask falling away.

It was a naive thought.

But Yohji was wrong. Perhaps he was concerned foremost with his teammate's abilities to do their jobs, but that was also what he needed to do as their friend. When they couldn't do their jobs was when it would be apparent that this life had destroyed them.

He needed to get out of the Koneko and away from this borrowed life, if only for a little while.

He went to his sister's room and knocked.

Comments

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

After school, Aya-Chan had rushed straight to her room without greeting anyone else and immediately collapsed on her bed. It wasn't like she'd always been the perfect student or anything, but today, it had been especially hard to concentrate.

She felt so... out of place. And it wasn't only because she was the only girl. There was always an air of tension in the house, and she felt almost as if she were too innocent for her surroundings. Or, rather, not innocent but more ignorant. But how could she really understand what was going on if nobody ever bothered to explain everything to her? It always seemed to be the same: "stay here", "don't talk", "I'll be back"... and Aya-Chan felt left behind. Like a little puppy dog told to sit and stay and wait for the owner to come back. She wondered sometimes what would happen if one day, Ran never came back.

A knock on the door pulled Aya-Chan out of her thoughts. She hurridly composed herself, but she couldn't manage to put on a smile. Whatever, she thought to herself as she pulled open the door. Whoever it was would just have to deal.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran was taken aback by the look on his sister's face. Suddenly he felt the new tension between them acutely.

He needed to give her space.

He was bothering her. It didn't account for why he didn't excuse himself then. "Aya, what's wrong?"

Stubbornly refusing to believe that he was the reason she looked like that.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan wasn't sure why she was so surprised at seeing Ran - of all people - at her door. And guilt started settling in. Really, it wasn't any of their faults she was throwing a childish fit. Reluctantly, she forced a small smile on her face. "Nothing," she said quickly, stepping back from the door. "It's nothing, really. I'm just... tired." She blinked, peering at Ran from behind the door. "Would you like to come in?" We're long overdue on a talk.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran pushed away the thought that she was asking to be kind and stepped inside.

He was immediately overcome with the sense of home. Nostalgia. A feeling that this room was somehow part of his past.

It felt like Aya-chan's room always had to him. And having it here, inside the Koneko, a haven inside the confusion of his new life...

But it wasn't so new anymore, he realized. The thought sharpened a pain inside his chest.

This was his life. And he was going to have to find a way to mesh that life with the girl standing in front of him.

Would they ever be like they were?>/i>

"Or," his voice was gruff with hesitancy, "I could come back, if this is a bad time."

If you don't want to be faced with who I am.

He shook away the thought.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan shook her head, indicating to a spot on her bed for Ran to sit. "No, this isn't a bad time," she paused, staring at him uncertainly. This felt so strange. The man standing before her certainly looked like the Ran she'd always known - albeit, this Ran looked quite a bit older - but standing in his presence now, Aya-Chan felt as if a stranger had entered her room. "This isn't a bad time," she repeated, finding a genuine sliver of a smile beginning to appear. "We haven't really talked in... forever."

[Oh, xD and I just remembered she left a letter for Ran a looong time ago.]

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

[d'oh! I knew I'd forget ;_;. He'll find it when he goes back to his room.]

Ran looked at his sister speculatively, then gave a slight nod, eyes half-closed. "Hn," he agreed. He perched on her bed, failing to look relaxed though he tried.

Not that he knew what to say to her.

He never really did, though, he mused. When he was younger he'd been content to trail her around, a self-proclaimed body guard. They'd had their sibling moments of course, where one teased the other or pestered for attention, but those days of course were long gone.

He wasn't sure how to have a teenage sister. He didn't know how to act as an adult brother. Even without all the secrets he kept.

Ran cleared his throat, and possibly for the first time in his life made small talk. He leaned back on his hands in attempt to seem comfortable. "How was school?"

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

By the time Ken strolled close enough to notice that Aya-chan's door was open, he heard an all too familiar voice coming from inside the room.

Crap.

With a deep internal sigh (and a reminder that Hidaka Ken was many things, but a wuss was not among them) he poked his head around the doorframe with a friendly smile in place.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I'm picking up a couple pizzas. Any topping requests?"

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran's head jerked toward the doorway. Could he get no peace in this damned house? It was hard enough trying to converse with Aya-chan these days even without the interruptions. He loved her more than his own life, but there still was what felt like an unbridgable gap between them.

He'd wanted to take Aya-chan out to dinner that night, just the two of them. In hopes that they would finally start to talk to one another again.

But Hidaka was offering food, and as much as he'd like to shake it Yohji's words stayed with him from that morning. He seemed fine to Ran, but Ran - Aya - of all people knew that sometimes the harshest damage was buried far within layers beneath the surface.

Or it could have just been a hard day, and Yohji blew things out of proportion.

He repressed a sigh. "Aya-chan?" He prompted.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan hadn't had a chance to reply to Ran's question when Ken poked his head through the door. Her smile faltered a bit by the interruption, but it immediately came back, this time mixed with a small sense of guilt. Honestly, even she wasn't quite sure what had made her so crabby that day.

"It's nice of you to offer, Ken-Kun. Mushrooms would be nice, if that's not a bother to the rest of you."

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Ken gave her a thumbs up and ducked back out of the door way. Halfway down the stairs, he shuddered a bit. There was no question that those two were related. They both had varied degrees of the same look when they saw him. Suddenly he was very glad he didn't do a full body charge in.

Checking for wallet and keys one more time, he grabbed his helmet and his gloves (no mistakes this time, small errand or not) and hopped on his bike.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan watched Ken until he disappeared from view before redirecting her attention back to Ran and his question. "School was..." she paused. "School, I guess. Nothing too exciting. How was today in the shop?" It sounded a little too much like small talk, and the entire conversation made Aya-Chan a little uncomfortable. Meanwhile, bigger questions loomed in the back of her head; so, what exactly happened yesterday?

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran almost gave his sister a flippant response, but reconsidered. His first instinct was to keep everything in terms of 'fine', as he did with everyone, but the shop was one part of his life he could share with her. What would be the purpose of shutting her out?

"It was busy," he admitted. "Our customers can be pushy."

He didn't realize how bleak he sounded.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

There it was: an opening. And Aya-Chan took it without hesitation.

"Well," she said, giving Ran a playful nudge. "It's not every day one gets to be greeted by four attractive, single guys. It's natural for them to get a bit pushy."

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran automatically crossed his arms, straightening his back in surprise. It gave the impression that if he'd had fur it would be bristling. "They need to buy flowers or stop coming by. They mess up the displays," he grumbled. He conveniently ignored both the compliment and the suggestion his little sister was evaluating his teammates for attractiveness.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan resisted the urge to let out a deep sigh. She had to admit though, this Ran's reaction wasn't that different from what she'd have expected her Ran to react. Already, she was separating the two as if they were two completely different people.

"Would you..." she paused, peering shyly at Ran. "I hear there's going to a carnival coming to town sometime. Would you like to go... with me?"

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

The change in topics made him trip for a moment on the thought, leaving him staring blankly.

A carnival?

The mental images of noise, and crowds, and a thousand and one things that could potentially go wrong immediately arose.

That aside...a carnival was almost a foreign concept to Ran, to Aya, the man whose version of fun included reading philosophy by himself and taking walks by himself. He enjoyed the company of others he knew well, not the droning masses. It would be akin to having an open house party at the Koneko during spring break.

His sister looked so...imploring though. And if he said no, she'd most likely find another way. They were not so very different, the Fujimiyas. He rather suffer through it and be able to protect her than have her go without him knowing.

Looking like he'd just swallowed nails, he mustered up what he hoped was a pleasant smile. "If you want," he said.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

There was a smile, but it looked forced. Aya-Chan wasn't sure if it was because Ran didn't like carnivals or that he simply wasn't used to smiling. Either seemed like a plausible reason. Or perhaps it was both. It's always been about what I want... what about what youwant...? She thought it, but was too afraid of the answer to say it out loud. "Or, if you don't like carnivals, we could go to dinner one night..."

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran chuckled a little bit at that and the smile became real. "That obvious?" He relaxed, even though it still took some effort. "We'll do both, how does that sound?"

He still expected her to be five sometimes, rather than this older kid sister who sometimes looked out for him. Even though that was a long time ago even before...

He shut down that train of thought, as always.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan smiled and nodded. "That sounds like a plan." It'd be good to spend more time with Ran... perhaps, she'd be able to get to know him more. Already, this conversation was becoming easier.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

"Hn," Ran decided, his response meant as agreement. Downstairs, he heard the door open and shut, footsteps becoming louder before fading down the stairs.

A moment later the smell of dough and cheese wafted up through the vents.

Ran ignored it. He was content to just sit with his sister in companionable silence.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan heard Ken's entrance downstairs, but allowed the silence between her and Ran to grow for a moment. "But, for now," she said finally and almost reluctantly. "It smells like Ken-Kun is back with the pizza. And if we don't hurry, there might not be any more left."

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran suppressed his irritation, not at his sister, but irrationally at his teammate for getting back so quickly. He gave her a nod and followed her downstairs.

[continued in Monday 1.6]