Wednesday 1.29 - Damage

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji thought that this whole ‘assassin’ thing had pretty much put him through the wringer. He thought he’d seen everything, done everything, he really couldn’t fall any lower, could he? Well, it could get worse. One of them had yet to die. And really, that was just a ticking time bomb; he was going to have to deal with it sooner or later.

Although maybe not, he’d always rather counted on being the one who went down first. It seemed fucking likely. And his odds just kept increasing.

Anyway, baring their untimely deaths, Yohji thought he was already as broken as he was going to get.

It never occurred to him that he might get tortured.

Although why not, he couldn’t say. It wasn’t hitting him as too big of a shock. He just lacked foresight.

Shit, do you ever.

He wasn’t sure if he was glad for the force-fed pain killers, or if he should curse them. They’d dulled it a little. Not nearly enough, he hurt like a motherfucker, but they muffled the searing jolts caused by Crawford’s prodding just enough to keep him conscious. Yohji was pretty sure that without them he would have blacked out. Or had a heart attack from stress. He suspected that he might have preferred the heightened sensation were the tradeoff that kind of escape. He wanted nothing more in the world just now than to be able to simply turn his mind off.

He hadn’t responded to Crawford’s questions. Not for strength of willpower or anything, he just had no answers. And it was rather obvious which questions the man actually deemed important, and which ones where just part of the torture routine.

Knowing their intent hardly decreased efficiency though.

"So, does Bombay always keep you so thoroughly in the dark?” he’d demanded, “I am not sure I would want to work with a team I didn't trust."

Better than a team with someone like you on it.

…

Omi didn’t know what was on the disk EITHER right? No, he didn’t. He would have told us. We trust one another.

…right?

Crawford kept talking, seemingly indifferent to whether he generated actual information, or only pain. “Would they die for you, Kudoh?"

The question burned. He didn’t know the answer.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer.

I would die for them. So I guess it all works out. Because I think I’m about to.

With that the cruel man abruptly took his leave and for a moment Yohji was alone, before the young one reappeared.

I think I actually prefer the psychopaths.

Not to get himself wrong, they ALL fucking terrified him. It was just that he decided that he hated Crawford the most.

Nagi was quietly hovering. The kid so far did not seem that bad, probably a trick. None the less, he couldn’t help being reminded of a carrion bird on a death watch.

The companionship was hardly reassuring.

Even watching Asuka die…lying in a pool of blood…a deserted alleyway…counting the seconds before life slipped away from him too….he had felt less alone then.

Maybe when the telepath came back he’d bring his gun.

Comments

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

(OOC: Hell this is depressing. It is SUCH a good thing I'm not playing any of the other Schwarz chara's. I honestly couldn't have pulled that off)

Kudou looked... Not good. Not good at all. Actually, he looked rather bad. Nagi had to wonder what Crawford had done to get him in that state. While he supposed it was better than if the man had vented more of his anger at his teammates it... It made Nagi want to apologize. He didn't get that, either. Kudou was nothing more than an annoying necessarity. Something to keep Schuldig and partially Farfello amused. Someone they needed to keep alive through all of his own fuck ups because he was important for the future. Still, when it came down to it, Nagi didn't want him to hurt too much.

Crawford must've had his reasons for doing what he did though.

Crawford was always right.

Nagi sighed, took a seat in the chair in the far corner of the room and opened his laptop, resolved to get at least some work done, and watch Kudou at the same time.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

He was getting dizzy again and his limbs were going numb. For a while he let himself just sink into his own head; not a pretty place on a normal day, now positively dismal.

He thought of Ran. It was safe for the moment, Yohji didn't think that Prodigy could violate his thoughts like his spiteful teammate.

He thought of how very, very badly he wanted to see him. Except, he also didn't want to see him. Not here. Torture would be so very much worse for the redhead. There was so much more that could be used as leverage against him. It wouldn't be pretty.

He thought about how very much time he had taken their proximity for granted. Still would have been doing so, actually, had Ken not practically nailed him over the head with his own feelings.

Might have been better if he hadn't, though. For everyone.

He sure had a talent for accumulating regrets, didn't he?

How long did it take for poor circulation to cause permanent damage, anyway? Schuldig sure pulled those knots fucking tight.

Think of Asuka. In his current situation, he found old ghosts more comforting than living people. Especially when those living people were almost certainly putting themselves in danger this very moment. Because of you.

...Or maybe they aren't bothering.

Fuck, now Crawford's voice had slimmed it's way into his head. He was in Hell.

He stared at the bedpost, trying to will his mind quiet.

Eventually he glanced over at Prodigy's corner.

He actually helped you. Things can't possibly (no, that's not true,) get any worse. Maybe he'll actually HEAR what you say.

It was worth a shot.

"They really are wasting their time," he finally mumbled. Nagi could listen or choose not to. It was hard to care too much.

[aki-jade.livejournal.com]

Schuldig leaned against the door frame, eyeing the blond now laying on his bed, the ice pack pressed to his swollen eye. His gaze then turned to Nagi with a frown.

"You put him on my bed." He scowled, then moved over beside the bed, staring down at the Weiss kitten, his fingers stroking over the angry red wounds.

"They probably are." He said, tilting his head. "I mean, either the red head is going to die trying to find you, or you'll be shot for giving up mission details." He grinned. "Though regardless, you'll probably be shot."

He moved to sit on top of Yohji, straddling his stomach and leaning in close. "The question is, will we shoot you for the fun of it, or will they shoot you for being a traitor? Because either way, we'll get the information we want." He tilted his head, smirking. "Which would you prefer?"

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

The extra weight was excruciating. But then, Yohji was sure that it was meant to be.

Schuldig's words hit him with a queasy lurch of emotion.

The hint that Ran might die had it's intended effect of pure dread. However there was also an underlying current of relief. At least they don't intend for him to end up like me....

The implication that he was going to be shot was more disturbing than it ought have been. Considering that about 5 minutes ago he was wishing for it. Apparently the instinct to want to live runs very deep. Hard to overwrite.

For a moment the telepath's suggestion that he might be shot by his own team caused a heady spike of despair and near panic, before rationality settled back in.

That was ridiculous.

Right?

Definitely. Inconceivable.

He tried to block out the tiny seed of doubt that had just been planted. Schuldig was just extrapolating from the way his own team operated. Yeah, that was definitely it.

"If Weiß killed it's members for screwing up, I wouldn't be here right now," he tried to keep his voice more certain than he actually felt. "We're not like you."

[aki-jade.livejournal.com]

"If Weiß killed it's members for screwing up, I wouldn't be here right now,"

"We're not like you."

Schuldig snorted. "Ja, that much is painfully obvious." He said, shifting to get more comfortable. "We're a team. You're a rag-tag band of misfits who kill for someone else's ideology. You lack the drive to be a threat. At the most you're an entertaining distraction.

He shook his head, getting off track.

"Tell me about your mission." He said, mental fingers already burrowing into Yohji's mind, ready to destroy him from the inside out if need be. "Tell me, or I'll get the information my way. We'll see how long you last if your brain forgets to keep breathing. How long can you stay awake?"

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji eyed the angry looking knot that had materialized around his tormentor's eye since the last time he'd seen him, and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I can see the evidence of some great 'teamwork,' huh."

So the noises he'd heard had been Crawford. Not that he was surprised.

Some microscopically ironic piece of his subconscious almost wanted to feel sorry for the creep, but the actual emotion failed to materialize. Strangely though, he was also devoid of the glee that logically he felt that he should be relishing at seeing his enemy get at least a little of his just deserts. He deserved some degree of retribution, didn't he? It wasn't there either though. His soul was a flat expanse of apathy.

I don't kill for someone else's ideology, his conscience objected, I kill because there are monsters out there, and I'd rather see the monsters get hurt, than innocent women like Asuka.

...

....maybe that's how it was in the beginning.

His own cynicism bothered him more than Schuldig's obvious needling.

He frowned and resolved to stay silent. Honestly, he wanted nothing more than to stop being awake, anyway.

[aki-jade.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I can see the evidence of some great 'teamwork,' huh."

Schuldig just smirked, digging a finger into Yohji's wound, just barely keeping from splitting the wound opened again. "You have no room to talk. I won't die from a black eye." He frowned.

"We're killers. We have no delusions about what we do. We work for the highest bidder, and we get paid well. You..." He snorted. "You work for next to nothing for some big secret organization who won't even tell you their agenda, and you don't have the brains in you to break free of it. The people you kill aren't monsters. They're just people who made a choice. How are you any better than them?" He snorted. "You kill for money." He cocked his head, then send a spike of pain through Yohji's skull, strong enough to blast through the painkillers.

"Now stop changing the subject. Your mission. Tell me. Unless you just want to make my day better. Hell, if I turn you into a vegetable, maybe Ran will actually pay attention to you." He smirked again. "Want to find out?"

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

I don't kill for money. I didn't. I just wanted to destroy the people who killed Asuka. The money was inconsequential.

I got to.

...

After that....

....I just didn't know what else to do with my life.

....

Guess you can get used to anything.

His injured chest was becoming so aggravated that he could barely tell any more when it was being prodded and when it was being left alone, it was just a continuously throbbing center of pain. He'd just had time to be completely dismayed for having the escaped thought I'm surprised they aren't being more creative with their methods, the chest wound is an awfully obvious target, when Schuldig failed to disappoint.

For a moment Yohji thought he'd been struck by lightening.

The pain cleaved through him, like energy being drawn to his spinal cord, where it was lead in channels to radiate through every nerve in his body. There was a disturbing choked noise that he detachedly figured must have come from him, but sounded too foreign for him to relate to.

He was pretty much ready to completely check out mentally, when Schuldig's words cut through the haze of pain almost as clearly as the headache. "Hell, if I turn you into a vegetable, maybe Ran will actually pay attention to you."

He hated the way he almost agreed with that.

It's not like he hadn't had that kind of thought before. He'd been so very childishly jealous of Aya-chan that he probably deserved it.

His mind strayed to the empty chair he'd woken up to this morn--whenever it was he'd finally woken up.

Being a vegetable wouldn't change anything.

He stared blankly at the smirking man oppressively towering over him. Why the fuck did Schwarz care so much about that stupid mission anyway? It hadn't seemed any more important than any other mission he'd been on. It seemed like a rather inconsequential one, actually, considering the lack of people needing rescue. There were no kidnapped kids, no gruesome lab experiments. He didn't know why they had had to do it, and he didn't think he even had any information for them to gleam.

This was all one stupidly painful waste of time.

He couldn't even coherently remember the whole goddamned mission, anyway. Many of the details had faded out, overwritten by his fuck-ups, a few traumatic seconds....

He remembered that stupid cell phone.

Had that victim (the first one? second?) even been one of the targets? He must have been. But all Yohji could remember was freezing up. The moment of locked eye contact. He couldn't make the kill.

Then he snapped, and overkill.

There'd been so much fucking blood.

He was used to it, there was usually that much blood. People have a lot of it to spill when they die.

His head lay in the center of it, like a decapitated doll.

Yohji'd felt sick.

The cell phone. Still on. Who'd been on the other end? His wife? Child?

He wondered how long it had taken for the police to knock on their door.

They probably hadn't known he was a bad guy.

Had HE even known that he was?

Hm, choices.

That fucking cell phone.

There were complications about the kill, but Yohji couldn't remember. It was all eclipsed by blood and dial tone.

[aki-jade.livejournal.com]

Schuldig chuckled, enjoying how his words twisted Yohji's thoughts. He sifted through the delicious pain and memories, looking for the motive for their mission. Why did they need the disk? Anything they had been told about the mission. He wanted to know it all.

"You look good in red." He smirked.

"You know, Kudou. If you play nice, I can make life easier for you." He cooed, stroking a gentle finger down Yohji's cheek. "I can make you forget all of the pain. Forget that Ran will never want you the way you want him. Hell, I could get you out of Weiss if you wanted. Set you up in different city with a different name. I could rewrite your life if you wanted. No Asuka, no Kritiker, no Weiss. Nagi could have the paperwork done in a matter of minutes."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

It seemed for a moment that Schuldig had made good on his threat to stop Yohji’s breathing, before he realized that he’d stopped on his own. He choked.

“No Asuka, no Kritiker, no Weiss.”

Schuldig couldn’t really do that, could he?

Yeah, probably.

Forget Asuka?

It isn’t possible to forget Asuka. She runs too deep.

He loved her too much. She was perfect. Well, for him. He’d been perfectly happy. He loved her hair, thought it was cool that she wore it shorter than his. She shared his disregard for conventionality. She was funny. And smart. Always caught the things he overlooked on cases. He liked to make fun of the way she dressed, but really he liked it. She knew that. She was so fucking perfect.

It had taken him forever to get her into bed. Followed by lots of stupid jokes about professionalism. How old had he been then, anyway? Omi’s age? Maybe a year older. He’d thought he was so fucking grown-up. He’d been a kid. A stupid one. God he’d been such a stupid idealistic fucking kid.

All of that bullshit he’d composed about finding his soul mate. Guess that’s the one thing Asuka didn’t get. Or maybe she was waiting for someone better.

It didn’t matter. He’d wait. She’d figure it out in time.

There hadn’t been time.

The bullet that took Asuka down caused more damage than the one that hit him. The wound was far more encompassing than the physical damage. When he woke up he was empty. The void cut right through his soul. There must have been at least something to his soul mate bullshit, because with Asuka gone he only had half of a soul left. If that.

We wished she’d lived instead. He wondered if she’d have ended up in Weiß instead, had fate been less cruel. Probably not. She would have gotten over him. He was glad.

He hadn’t even had to think about it when Kritiker asked him to sign up. He didn’t care. He didn’t have a soul to sell. He was already dead.

The killing didn’t bother him so much. It kept him busy. He found that being busy was the only thing that really helped cover up the throb of hollowness. Girls and booze where good ways of staying busy too. It always felt like cheating though, it didn’t matter that Asuka was dead. He fixed the guilt with more booze.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

He’d been drinking particularly heavily that week that Ran showed up. Probably why he’d thought it would be so fucking hilarious to plant him in his own bed and saddle him with his sister’s name. Not that he’d known at the time whose name it was. Just that it was important. Back then important things always seemed funny.

Eventually he found that arguing with ‘Aya’ was another good way of staying busy. Good enough that it slowly started to replace some of the drinking. He didn’t entirely notice that though. He didn’t want to.

He’d promised himself he’d never fall for another fucking coworker.

When he realized that he was thinking about Aya more than Asuka, it scared the shit out of him. Asuka had become his identity. Not to mention confused the *hell* out of his /sexual/ identity. It was already confused though. Excessive alcohol had paved the way for a fair share of experimentation. Aya was just the first man Yohji had ever wanted to touch while sober.

And he realized that he wanted more than just to touch him.

But Schuldig was right, Ay—Ran didn’t want him like that. He probably didn’t want him any other way either, had just been trying to smooth things over for the team. It might make things better for everyone if Yohji just forgot and went away.

He didn’t have a lot to offer the man.

Ran had too many problems of his own. Yohji could only detract from his happiness with Aya-chan….

The stupid mission.

Yohji remembered the dull crack of a computer as it glanced off of Ran’s shoulder. Followed by a look of absolute horror. The horror had nothing to do with his own injury, Ran as looking at him. Was looking at the steel claws protruding from his chest.

Ran carried him out with a dislocated shoulder….

He’d wanted to stop him, wanted to be left behind. As if Ran would listen.

Yeah, like he could forget about Ran.

He was too fucking selfish.

Anyway, he didn’t have enough substance left to start over as a new person. His memories were the only good thing left in him. Without them all that there was left was sin and bloodstains. He didn’t think they could be erased as easily as the memories.

He deserved the pain.

He sighed.

“No deal.”

[aki-jade.livejournal.com]

Schuldig didn't seem to hear Yohji turning down his offer. Instead, his face was hovering less that an inch from Yohji's. His eyes were hooded, and his lips were parted, his breath coming in short, shallow pants. And to top it off, he was hard.

In short, he looked like he was high on ecstacy. But in this case, his drug was Yohji's emotional pain.

It was like fucking ambrosia.

His hands stroked through Yohji's hair, gripping tightly at the roots. He smiled lazily and licked his lips.

"I want to live in there." He chuckled softly, his fingertip pressing against Yohji's scalp. "It's delicious."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Schuldig’s current actions fell into the periphery. Yohji was now caught in his head, trying to convince himself he’d made the right decision.

Deep down, that IS what part of you wants, you know.

All that stress gone. No more problems.

It would be like suicide without the sin.

No.

More like sin without the repentance.

You wouldn’t have gotten that damned tattoo if you’d meant to forget.

“Get the fuck off of me.”

His struggling was useless.

[aki-jade.livejournal.com]

Schuldig chuckled, still hovering, lips a mere breath away from kissing the man. Instead, he turned Yohji's head to the side, licking up his neck and cheek before slowly letting go and sitting up again, still looking very pleased with himself.

"I think we need a little break." He purred, though he stayed in his spot, digging through his pockets for his cigarettes. He shook one out and placed it between his lips before very slowly sliding off of Yohji, giving a low groan with the movement.

"Don't go anywhere." He grinned around the cigarette, pulling the lighter from his pocket. "Think about my offer. I can make you a brand new person. That tattoo, just a drunken whim. Your life, just a bad dream. All in exchange for some information about things you won't remember anymore."

Schuldig smirked, then turned and headed out of the room, deciding to go outside to smoke. Nagi always complained about his bad habit. Besides, he really did need a break from Yohji. He was getting far too wound up being that close to him.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji cringed inwardly, unable to physically jerk away from Shuldig's invasion.

The relief that he was leaving was shadowed by the mental tempest left behind.

Wouldn't that be easy?

I've never liked to do things the easy way.

Weren't lying when you called yourself a masochist, ya know.

"Your life Just a bad dream...."

He already thought of it in terms of that.

He tried to imagine his life without Asuka. He honestly couldn't picture what type of person he'd be without her. She was too ingrained.

The thought of forgetting Ran sent a spike of pain almost as real and present as the sensation of Schuldig's finger digging into his wound. Like raw mourning. It echoed the ache of that day he'd woken up in Kritker's hospital. It was worse than the pain of any rejection, that he was certain.

Fuck that.

Schuldig might be able to wipe out his memories, but Yohji highly doubted he had the godlike power to make an empty person whole. Yohji reborn would still be depressed. He just wouldn't know why.

Seriously, fuck that.

He'd stick to the bad habits he was comfortable with, thanks.

"Don't you fucking DARE erase me!" he snarled.

The door had already shut.

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

(OOC: I posted! I did! Curse my stupid failing internet! I really, really replied! ;_; )

Nagi had sat in his chair in the corner through the whole thing, keeping silent and observing the things that were going on.
His laptop was open in his lap, but he hadn't done a single thing. That was going to be nightwork. He just hoped Schuldig would be nice enough to make him some coffee in the morning.

Schuldig's reaction had been... Interesting, to say the least. He didn't know exactly what Schuldig had found in Kudou's head, but it'd gotten him excited in more than just the normal range. A little voice in the back of the head hoped that Schuldig and Crawford would get it on already. Seeing Schu get this excited from his mindgames, so much so that he had to put a stop to it, was disturbing.

Kudou on the other hand looked bad. Very bad but... Not broken, something that Nagi had to admire the man for. Schuldig wasn't easy to deal with on his best days, but when he put all his attention to playing and tormenting you, he could be evil indeed.

Quietly, he put his laptop down beside him and got up, turning to Kudou. "Are you- Did he hurt you too bad? Does the wound require any attention...?" he asked timidly. The wound looked agitated and red, and like it might start infecting if it'd be agitated much more.

Koudou is the enemy, goddamn it! He deserves what he got and it's his own fault! There is no reason why I should take care of him like this! Why I should care like this!

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

“Did he hurt you too bad?”

In spite of the agony, Yohji just couldn’t quite seem to stop the sarcasm. It had no off switch.

He snorted.

“Oh, not at all, I feel super,” he snapped, “Although you probably ought to tell me whether or not he has any contagious diseases or anything. Seems like something I ought to know about a guy who’s fucking with my open wound.” No comment on what he’s doing to my fucking HEAD. “He’s clean for flesh-eating viruses, right?”

He stared at the boy, trying to keep his anger in check. He needed to take any offer for help he could get, whether or not he doubted the sincerity. He didn’t have much to lose at this point.

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

Nagi flinched at the sarcasm, but otherwise ignored it with practiced ease. If Kudou thought he could hold a candle to say... A wounded Schuldig, he was sourly mistaken.

"To my knowledge, Schuldig is clean of any diseases," Nagi said instead, thinking he could at least give the man that reassurance. Than he lifted Kudou a little way of the bed, as much to relieve any strain on the man's wound as to make it easier to examen.
He closed in on the man now floating a little above the bed with caution, in the same way that one would be cautious when nearing a wounded animal. While there was little Kudou could do at the moment, it always payed to be safe. Besides, he didn't want to scare him.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

“Oh good, I feel so much better,” Yohji said dryly, “In that case I guess I can look forward to dying from shock instead of gangrene. Awesome.”

To find himself floating again unsettled his nerves and returned some of the nausea. There wasn’t any reason for Nagi to be doing that, was there? Was the kid just exerting a reminder of how helpless Yohji really was just now? As if he needed one.

He tried to cover his nerves by talking. “I don’t see the point in offering to help when you could have just stopped him.”

Not the right thing to say! Goddamn it Kudoh, now’s not the time to be confrontational.

He hopped the kid was more patient than he was.

….And not just bidding his time before dropping the nice act and taking a crack at him.

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

Stop Schuldig? Him? Had he been in any other situation, he would've snorted. For now, he settled on not answering the comment as really, it should be obvious. For one, he was pretty sure Schuldig had been working on Crawfords orders, which were absolute, even for the telepath but even more so for him. You didn't ignore direct orders. Not if they came from Crawford. Crawford was always right.
Besides, you didn't interfere with Schuldig if he was in a mood like this. It was most likely that you'd be the next victem after all...

Finally, he said, quietly; "Crawford is always right. You won't be dying anything soon." and left it at that and didn't really know who it was directed at anyway. Himself, or Kudou.

He than directed his full attention at Kudou's wound and started examining it with a detached sort of efficiency.
"It's infected," he said finally, taking care not to touch the wound itsself lest he make it worse. "I am going to disinfect it."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

“Death is hardly my primary concern right now.” Yohji met Nagi’s ‘reassurance’ with bleak resignation.

Ran’s death on the other hand….

I’m scared of anyone dying except for me.

I’m scared of having my mind destroyed without my permission.

-I’m scared I’ll give the permission.-

I’d like to think I’m tough enough to take it…but I’m still scared of the pain. And I’m scared that….

It had been utterly impossible for Yohji to miss the excited state Schuldig had been in when he’d excused himself. He couldn’t even complete the thought. It creeped him out too much.

“There are worse things,” he muttered.

He tried to ignore Nagi’s attention, it was in his best interest to detach himself from everything as much as possible. It seemed more or less a given that his injury would be infected, how could it not? The sting of the disinfectant was more of an annoyance than the usual bite of pain he associated.

The kid was really puzzling him though.

“You might was well wait though,” he finally objected, “It hardly seemed like they were done with me. I’ll just need it all over again.”

Assuming you still feel like bothering.

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

"Than I'll do it again," Nagi stated, dabbing the last bit of disinfectant on the wound before floating the bottle back to the first aid box.

Kudou puzzled him. The man had to be tough, to take as much as he did. Yet the things he said... The things he did and had done in the past. It didn't make sense.

And why would he keep resisting? It wasn't as if Schuldig couldn't take the information from his mind without trouble anyway. To his knowledge Kudou had nothing like shields.

Also, his own drive to keep the man healthy was puzzling to him. After all, Crawford would not allow anything to happen that would form a danger to their team. He'd only ever said they needed Kudou alive, nothing else. Yet, he felt the need to make sure the man kept sane and as healthy as he could manage at the moment. Obviously non of his team members had the same concerns.

"I will keep you floating for a while longer. It will take some pressure off the ropes and the wound."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji couldn't stop the resistance.

"Why?"

Now that it was pointed out to him...he was in less pain while floating. But why was Nagi bothering?

He seemed so intent on adhering to Crawford. He refused to intervene...yet wasn't this still an act of insubordination?

“Not to discourage you,” he finally amended. He was in bad enough shape without self-sabotage. “I just don’t get why you’d bother when the whole point of me even being here is just to fuck me up.”

The boy’s face was remarkably unreadable.

“You don’t seem to be in the same league as them,” he added. “I don’t get why you’re even here.”

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

Why?

“You don’t seem to be in the same league as them,”

“I don’t get why you’re even here.”

For a moment, Nagi looked completely lost, as if he couldn't fathom what Yohji was saying, what he'd meant, but the words touched a nerve anyway. Than something snapped closed and any and all expression was gone, leaving his face, even his eyes blank.

Yohji was still floating in midair, but Nagi turned around, took his laptop and sat back in the chair he'd just vacated. Without another glance, he focussed on his laptop and finally started up the programs he'd been neglecting all day.

“You don’t seem to be in the same league as them,”

“I don’t get why you’re even here.”

He was needed here. he belonged here. He did. Else Crawford wouldn't have taken him from Rosenkreuz. Wouldn't have made sure he was safe all those times. Wouldn't have send Farf to get him after Tot...
Tot...
Crawford had been right about that, too. Had had a good reason not to want him involved with Tot. She died. That'd hurt so much... More than anything he could remember. Crawford had been right. Crawford was always right. He shouldn't have doubted in the first place. Than, it wouldn't have hurt.

Crawford saw the future. Crawford was always right. Crawford took care of them, even if sometimes it might seem unfair. Crawford had his reasons.

And Crawfrd had told him to get the information.

Right.

With that, Nagi blanked his mind, and started typing.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

He had of course crossed the line with his questions; it was hardly a surprise when the boy’s already impassive expression hardened, and he robotically returned to his seat across the room.

You never ever know when to keep your mouth shut, do you man?

He would have been irritated with himself, but didn’t have the energy to spare the emotion.

What kind of stupid question was that, anyway, though?

Why is he here?

You’ve seen that kid drop slabs of concrete on his enemies like other boys his age might step on an anthill. No remorse, not even a flinch.

It’s rather obvious why he’s here.

He’s a killer.

…like you.

He could tell there would be no point in further interrogating Nagi. The kid had thoroughly shut down. Oh well, he considered the fact that he hadn’t been dropped a dim positive in this bleak situation.

He closed his eyes and rather hopelessly tried to force himself to rest while he waited for the next round of whatever was in store. It was utterly useless.

Schuldig’s parting offer stuck wedged in his mind like a skipping record.