Wednesday 1.29 - Damage

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji thought that this whole ‘assassin’ thing had pretty much put him through the wringer. He thought he’d seen everything, done everything, he really couldn’t fall any lower, could he? Well, it could get worse. One of them had yet to die. And really, that was just a ticking time bomb; he was going to have to deal with it sooner or later.

Although maybe not, he’d always rather counted on being the one who went down first. It seemed fucking likely. And his odds just kept increasing.

Anyway, baring their untimely deaths, Yohji thought he was already as broken as he was going to get.

It never occurred to him that he might get tortured.

Although why not, he couldn’t say. It wasn’t hitting him as too big of a shock. He just lacked foresight.

Shit, do you ever.

He wasn’t sure if he was glad for the force-fed pain killers, or if he should curse them. They’d dulled it a little. Not nearly enough, he hurt like a motherfucker, but they muffled the searing jolts caused by Crawford’s prodding just enough to keep him conscious. Yohji was pretty sure that without them he would have blacked out. Or had a heart attack from stress. He suspected that he might have preferred the heightened sensation were the tradeoff that kind of escape. He wanted nothing more in the world just now than to be able to simply turn his mind off.

He hadn’t responded to Crawford’s questions. Not for strength of willpower or anything, he just had no answers. And it was rather obvious which questions the man actually deemed important, and which ones where just part of the torture routine.

Knowing their intent hardly decreased efficiency though.

"So, does Bombay always keep you so thoroughly in the dark?” he’d demanded, “I am not sure I would want to work with a team I didn't trust."

Better than a team with someone like you on it.

…

Omi didn’t know what was on the disk EITHER right? No, he didn’t. He would have told us. We trust one another.

…right?

Crawford kept talking, seemingly indifferent to whether he generated actual information, or only pain. “Would they die for you, Kudoh?"

The question burned. He didn’t know the answer.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer.

I would die for them. So I guess it all works out. Because I think I’m about to.

With that the cruel man abruptly took his leave and for a moment Yohji was alone, before the young one reappeared.

I think I actually prefer the psychopaths.

Not to get himself wrong, they ALL fucking terrified him. It was just that he decided that he hated Crawford the most.

Nagi was quietly hovering. The kid so far did not seem that bad, probably a trick. None the less, he couldn’t help being reminded of a carrion bird on a death watch.

The companionship was hardly reassuring.

Even watching Asuka die…lying in a pool of blood…a deserted alleyway…counting the seconds before life slipped away from him too….he had felt less alone then.

Maybe when the telepath came back he’d bring his gun.

Comments

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

Stop Schuldig? Him? Had he been in any other situation, he would've snorted. For now, he settled on not answering the comment as really, it should be obvious. For one, he was pretty sure Schuldig had been working on Crawfords orders, which were absolute, even for the telepath but even more so for him. You didn't ignore direct orders. Not if they came from Crawford. Crawford was always right.
Besides, you didn't interfere with Schuldig if he was in a mood like this. It was most likely that you'd be the next victem after all...

Finally, he said, quietly; "Crawford is always right. You won't be dying anything soon." and left it at that and didn't really know who it was directed at anyway. Himself, or Kudou.

He than directed his full attention at Kudou's wound and started examining it with a detached sort of efficiency.
"It's infected," he said finally, taking care not to touch the wound itsself lest he make it worse. "I am going to disinfect it."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

“Death is hardly my primary concern right now.” Yohji met Nagi’s ‘reassurance’ with bleak resignation.

Ran’s death on the other hand….

I’m scared of anyone dying except for me.

I’m scared of having my mind destroyed without my permission.

-I’m scared I’ll give the permission.-

I’d like to think I’m tough enough to take it…but I’m still scared of the pain. And I’m scared that….

It had been utterly impossible for Yohji to miss the excited state Schuldig had been in when he’d excused himself. He couldn’t even complete the thought. It creeped him out too much.

“There are worse things,” he muttered.

He tried to ignore Nagi’s attention, it was in his best interest to detach himself from everything as much as possible. It seemed more or less a given that his injury would be infected, how could it not? The sting of the disinfectant was more of an annoyance than the usual bite of pain he associated.

The kid was really puzzling him though.

“You might was well wait though,” he finally objected, “It hardly seemed like they were done with me. I’ll just need it all over again.”

Assuming you still feel like bothering.

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

"Than I'll do it again," Nagi stated, dabbing the last bit of disinfectant on the wound before floating the bottle back to the first aid box.

Kudou puzzled him. The man had to be tough, to take as much as he did. Yet the things he said... The things he did and had done in the past. It didn't make sense.

And why would he keep resisting? It wasn't as if Schuldig couldn't take the information from his mind without trouble anyway. To his knowledge Kudou had nothing like shields.

Also, his own drive to keep the man healthy was puzzling to him. After all, Crawford would not allow anything to happen that would form a danger to their team. He'd only ever said they needed Kudou alive, nothing else. Yet, he felt the need to make sure the man kept sane and as healthy as he could manage at the moment. Obviously non of his team members had the same concerns.

"I will keep you floating for a while longer. It will take some pressure off the ropes and the wound."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji couldn't stop the resistance.

"Why?"

Now that it was pointed out to him...he was in less pain while floating. But why was Nagi bothering?

He seemed so intent on adhering to Crawford. He refused to intervene...yet wasn't this still an act of insubordination?

“Not to discourage you,” he finally amended. He was in bad enough shape without self-sabotage. “I just don’t get why you’d bother when the whole point of me even being here is just to fuck me up.”

The boy’s face was remarkably unreadable.

“You don’t seem to be in the same league as them,” he added. “I don’t get why you’re even here.”

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

Why?

“You don’t seem to be in the same league as them,”

“I don’t get why you’re even here.”

For a moment, Nagi looked completely lost, as if he couldn't fathom what Yohji was saying, what he'd meant, but the words touched a nerve anyway. Than something snapped closed and any and all expression was gone, leaving his face, even his eyes blank.

Yohji was still floating in midair, but Nagi turned around, took his laptop and sat back in the chair he'd just vacated. Without another glance, he focussed on his laptop and finally started up the programs he'd been neglecting all day.

“You don’t seem to be in the same league as them,”

“I don’t get why you’re even here.”

He was needed here. he belonged here. He did. Else Crawford wouldn't have taken him from Rosenkreuz. Wouldn't have made sure he was safe all those times. Wouldn't have send Farf to get him after Tot...
Tot...
Crawford had been right about that, too. Had had a good reason not to want him involved with Tot. She died. That'd hurt so much... More than anything he could remember. Crawford had been right. Crawford was always right. He shouldn't have doubted in the first place. Than, it wouldn't have hurt.

Crawford saw the future. Crawford was always right. Crawford took care of them, even if sometimes it might seem unfair. Crawford had his reasons.

And Crawfrd had told him to get the information.

Right.

With that, Nagi blanked his mind, and started typing.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

He had of course crossed the line with his questions; it was hardly a surprise when the boy’s already impassive expression hardened, and he robotically returned to his seat across the room.

You never ever know when to keep your mouth shut, do you man?

He would have been irritated with himself, but didn’t have the energy to spare the emotion.

What kind of stupid question was that, anyway, though?

Why is he here?

You’ve seen that kid drop slabs of concrete on his enemies like other boys his age might step on an anthill. No remorse, not even a flinch.

It’s rather obvious why he’s here.

He’s a killer.

…like you.

He could tell there would be no point in further interrogating Nagi. The kid had thoroughly shut down. Oh well, he considered the fact that he hadn’t been dropped a dim positive in this bleak situation.

He closed his eyes and rather hopelessly tried to force himself to rest while he waited for the next round of whatever was in store. It was utterly useless.

Schuldig’s parting offer stuck wedged in his mind like a skipping record.

[aki-jade.livejournal.com]

Schuldig returned from his smoke looking much calmer. Though he did cock an eyebrow when he came into his room as saw Yohji hovering a few inches off of the bed. But he shrugged. Let Nagi play with him a bit. It didn't bother him. The kid needed to have a little fun, anyway.

"Are you boys playing nice?" He asked, leaning against the foot of his bed.

He could still hear Yohji thinking about his offer. He hoped he would take him up on it. It would make him laugh to see the look on Ran's face when Yohji didn't recognize him. Hell, he might do that for fun, anyway.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji noticed himself being lowered back onto the bed before the telepath's reappearance registered.

"Are you boys playing nice?" The question was expectantly taunting. Yohji eyed Schuldig nervously, hardly reassured by the distance that tentatively remained.

"You'd be disappointed," he muttered.

He was painfully aware of the importance of clearing his mind, but he didn't have a hope. Mastermind had known exactly what kind of effect his words would have on his vulnerable adversary.

Neu's throat bisected with silver thread.

Hesitation.

A choke.

Her visor slipped, familiar eyes glassing over....

*STOP thinking about that*

To forget Neu. He couldn't imagine a greater weight, off his mind....

[aki-jade.livejournal.com]

Schuldig chuckled, leaning on the bed to get closer to Yohji, but not actually touching him. That might get a little too intense too quickly, and he wasn't quite ready for that yet. After all, if he got too excited, he might do something to earn himself another black eye. He didn't need to be walking around blind for a week. Loss of depth persception was bad enough.

"I can help you stop thinking about that. Stop thinking about a lot of things. That you're a killer, that the only person you might even concider a relationship with has no interest in you, you're failure to protect anyone that you hold dear..."

Schuldig moved, carefully brushing a lock of hair from Yohji's face. "I mean, I'm probably going to do it either way. But do you want to have a good life? Or be a strung out crack addict?" He smirked. "It all depends on if you tell me why Kritiker sent you on that mission. I want details."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

The words burned like venomous acid.

He wanted to just let go and agree. He wanted to hang on to them more than anything. He didn't know what he wanted.

I want Ran.

That wasn't an option.

It hadn't even been an hour or two since Ran confirmed that himself. I can't do it Yohji.

His chest tightened.

If only the offer was being made out of concern and not malice. If only he could choose exactly what to forget.

...It doesn't work that way, anyway. If you pull out too many threads, everything will just collapse.

He was too much of a meddler. The part of him that had chosen to be a detective wouldn't take it lying down. Wouldn't rest until the gaps in his memory were explained. Until he destroyed himself all over again....

He never learned.

Yohji glared at Schuldig, wanting to lash out as the man's hand came too close to his face for comfort, but lacking the capacity.

"Don't. You. Dare." He hissed. "You've been in my head. You know they didn't tell us shit about the mission."

[aki-jade.livejournal.com]

Schuldig sighed and shook his head. "All you gave me was killing a man for talking to his kid on the phone." He shrugged. "I haven't really gotten into your head, but I will."

He sat down on the bed, one hand moving to grip Yohji's head tightly. He didn't need too; it was mostly for appearance, and a psychological effect.

His mental fingers burrowed deep into Yohji's mind, not being gentle anymore. He tore past the memories he didn't need. What the man had for breakfast, his favorite clubs, all of those damn annoying jingles he kept singing in his head, Ran, everything that was unimportant to their mission. He wanted to know everything from the moment they were assigned until now.

There had to be something. Some hint at what was going on. Some hint of who might have the disk.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji's coherency shattered into pieces.

His thoughts scattered. Any attempt to string them back together deteriorated into stabbing pain. His awareness of pain remained constant.

Sato.

Sato's image smothered him with confusion.

He didn't know whether to trust the man or not. He set him on edge, but at the same time, gave him no reason to. The whole thing just seemed wrong. Yohji hated the way he followed orders against his instincts. Yet he defied both Omi and Sato. Desperately wanted to know what happened to Manx....

A disk.

Many disks.

Yohji's mind couldn't separate the important disk from the excess. They all looked the same. He must not have paid enough attention at the briefing....

Had your mind on other things.

The disks were fleeting in his consciousness though. He hadn't cared so much about them. Was only doing his job. They weren't as important as...

...Ken.

Blood.

Him. And Ken.

And Ran.

He couldn't breathe.

[aki-jade.livejournal.com]

It was well known that Schuldig had the attention span on a gnat. But something juicy had happened with Ken and Ran, and Schuldig wanted to know. Abandoning (but promising to come back to it) the Sato issue, he chased down the threads of memories regarding whatever had happened between Kudoh and his teammates.

Any bit of blackmail information he could get, the better. Anything he could use to turn them against each other would be useful.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

He fought it, but it was like stopping a broken damn. His head had turned into a schizophrenic movie reel. He was dizzy with the shifting memories.

Ken.

Something was wrong with Ken. His teammate. More than that. They'd bonded. Right? Maybe they were only desperately reaching out. And missed? He'd cared. He *had* cared.

He cared about Ran though.

Priorities. Yohji was never good at juggling priorities. His attention span was too egocentric. Ken must have felt jilted.

Ken wasn't in a good mental place for that. There was something wrong. Very very wrong. He should have paid more attention to it. Shouldn't have gotten so distracted by Ran....

He was distracted on the mission. Kept screwing up. Looking at Ran when he should be looking at the guards. Almost got himself killed. Over. And. Over. Again.

He sure paid attention when Ken went berserk.

The guard's face. The dead guard. Ken pounding.... The blood. More than blood. Pulp. Yohji was horrified. Ken wouldn't stop. He HAD to make Ken stop.

If he could stop Ken it would be okay. They could fix this.

Ken's face had no recognition when he turned around.

The cold.

He fucked up.

Big time.

Not so much memories now, just the feeling of weakness.

Ran.

He thought he was dying.

He should be thinking about Asuka.

He couldn't even form a picture of her.

It hurt to look at Ran.

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

(OOC: Continued in new comment)