Wednesday1.49 - Let's try this again

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

He wasn't sure if he had actually fallen asleep or if the images in his head where just part of his usual troubled thoughts; he was too out of it to tell the difference. All he knew was that he couldn't stand to rehash Neu's death for what must have been the twenty-eighth time in a row that night. There was nothing restful in a broken record. Had any genuine sleep actually managed to slip into play it had been the type that only left you more tired when you awoke.

He was disgustingly dirty though, and surely his bandages where overdue for changing. Yohji had no trouble justifying to himself his departure from bed. Surely a shower ranked in equal value to the much prescribed 'rest.'

He took a long one, the feeling of contamination lingering long after all the physical grime had sloughed off. The hot water stung his lacerated skin with a burning prevalence. Yohji gritted his teeth against the pain but couldn't seem to stop scrubbing himself. Eventually it turned cold, and even then he was reluctant to shut the water off.

His job with the bandages was less meticulous than the washing. Between Ken and Mastermind's collaborative efforts he was pretty thoroughly stitched up. They had done an effective job, and so Yohji was somewhat sloppy in binding up his shoulder and chest.

He found himself back in his room, somewhat disorientated. He pulled on an old worn-out pair of pajama bottoms, but abandoned the effort of either finding a shirt or drying his hair. For a second he warred with the responsible feeling that he ought to return to bed.

His bed had possibly never looked less appealing.

It was practically on autopilot that Yohji found himself approaching Ran's room. He didn't allow himself to really think over what he was doing, he just let his legs move. Knocking seemed pointless; he barged in without even looking to see if Ran was present.

"I'm sleeping here," he mumbled and deliberately moved towards the bed, not intending to allow any room for argument on the matter.

Comments

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran was caught in an unpleasant cycle of dreaming the night's events over and over, his brain caught between sleep and wakefulness. The sudden creak of the door opening caused him to jerk awake. Yohji's voice did nothing to relieve his tension, but his hand loosened on the phone he still clutched like a sword handle.

He turned his head to Yohji. He was stalking his bed determinedly.

His fogged mind tried to grasp the words Yohji had spoken.

"Hn?" Finally, he shot awake. One reason for Yohji to be in his quarters made sense. "Aya?" He remained on his back on the bed. Shifting and preparing to get up, he realized he'd fallen asleep on top of his sheets, still clothed, and still with the taste of Yohji in his mouth.

Full consciousness returned. "What are you doing here?" He demanded.

He hadn't intended that to sound harsh. The unexpected appearance of Yohji, shirtless and freshly showered, was a comforting one in the aftermath of his dreams. But he was unsettled and embarrassed that he had obviously done nothing more than collapse. It didn't help that with awareness came equal awareness of a throbbing that set his teeth on edge.

He felt along his bed to his bedside table, opening it with one hand and retrieving a single packet of painkillers. In the dark, he opened them and took them dry.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Ran managed to say the one thing that stopped Yohji in his tracks.

Aya-chan. It hadn't even occurred to Yohji to check and see if she was back yet. He was still too wrapped up in himself and his own priorities. He was sharply reminded that he had no right to feel indignant about Ran's behavior when the crisis of a missing sister still hung unresolved.

He paused for a second, but then finished crossing the gap to the bed in spite of himself. He sat down on the edge and peered at Ran through the darkness. He was hard to see clearly but it was apparent that he'd done nothing to improve the status of his leg.

"I can't sleep." He stated matter-of-factly. "I think I have a better chance of sleeping here." He pulled the sheets back but didn't move from his perch next to Ran. "Everyone keeps telling me I need to fucking sleep."

He recognized the defensive tone edging back into his voice. Ran didn't deserve harassment right now. He ought to leave. His body was unresponsive.

"We should do something about your leg," he added guiltily.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran eased himself into a sitting position, silently reassuring himself in the face of his disappointment that Yohji brought no news of his sister.

Pushing it aside, he focused on Yohji, who had somehow positioned himself on Ran's bed like a cat without him noticing. He breathed in the scents of Yohji's bath products, and was shocked when he realized how familiar they'd become.

It couldn't have been more than an hour since Yohji's hands and mouth were on him and Ran was taking him into his throat.

The memory brought cautious happiness. It was laced with worry, but Yohji's presence beside him was calming.

He hadn't changed his mind. Yohji had sought him out. Why did Yohji think Ran could help him sleep?

He was worn out. He wanted to sleep, and to shout at Yohji to get out and do the same, because that would be best for the other man. Instead, he fluctuated between emotions, his common sense and desire to touch Yohji again.

He compromised by evaluating Yohji's shoulder, a perfectly neutral excuse to stare at the man's skin. The bandage was haphazard and poorly done, but at least there was no spotting. "It's fine," Ran dismissed Yohji's suggestion about his leg. "Your shoulder needs to be rebound. Let me."

He had fallen back into his post-mission persona, clinically evaluating what needed to be done. He recognized it, and was unable to break the habit. He had no training on how to act post-intimacy, no experience to go on, and the imbalance of experience made him uncharacteristically awkward.

Yohji was probably right to have come back, Ran recognized. He would have been sorely tempted to avoid him if given the opportunity.

Gently, he began unwrapping the gauze, glad he had the chance to assess the damage Ken had done for himself. "This is freshly stitched," he observed, surprised into speaking.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji made to bat Ran's attentions away, but the effort was weak. Ran's leg was really in greater need of inspection than his own injuries, but he liked having the focus on himself. This clinical inspection of his health might be the closest he'd get to any further confessions of feelings. He was relieved that Ran cared.

"Yeah," He said, cringing a little at the memory. "Mastermind decided to play doctor on me. I told you, Schwarz is fucking weird. Nothing they did made any sense." He flexed his shoulder a little, reassuring himself that he was still holding together okay, bandages or not.

"He did a decent job," he reluctantly admitted, "we should worry about your leg first."

His eyes were finally adjusting to the dark. Ran's faint coloring was reflective in the scant moonlight; he seemed to stand out beyond anything else present in the room. Or maybe it was just that Yohji didn't have the attention span to notice anything but Ran. The other man's eyes were avoiding him, stubbornly fixed on the tracks of stitches. He couldn't read them in the dark.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran frowned at the idea that Schwarz had shown anything resembling kindness. It didn't sit well with him that after all they had done to make their lives hell, they chose now, in the aftermath, to show fleeting humanity.

So there must be some gain in it. It was the only justification. For once, Ran decided he was too tired to mull strategy.

Even damaged, Yohji was beautiful. The gash in his skin made Ran frown harder, and a featherlight thumb smoothed over the stitching, wishing he could heal it. The bandages were wrapped carefully over the trail his fingers had made.

His eyes traveled to Yohji's neck, then to his jawline, finally coming to meet his gaze. He wanted to meet Yohji's lips again. He wanted to throw the man down on his bed and feel fully what it was to connect with him. Hands and lips were not enough. It had been enough to convince him that Yohji was really whole, it had been enough to prove that he had been slowly killing them both through his denial, and now that he recognized it he wanted to give in entirely, and let Yohji consume him.

He needed distraction from his nightmares, from his worry about his sister, from his anxiety about his choices. Yohji had given him that, and it hadn't been what he'd been seeking.

His eyes challenging Yohji to deny him, he reached a hand out to touch the muscles of his chest, sliding down to his abs, then back again.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

The color of Ran’s eyes was lost in the dark. Yohji mused that if he were meeting him now for the first time, he might have assumed them brown, never guessing at the unique shade of violet he’d grown accustomed to. He wished he could see Ran better, but at the same time was grateful for the blanketing intimacy provided by the darkness. Yohji always felt more comfortable at night; even dating back to his early childhood he’d felt slightly out of his element in the harsh light of day, as if his future personality had been inescapably pre-programmed. As it probably had been.

He followed Ran’s roaming gaze with hawk-like intensity. This was good. He liked Ran’s gaze on him; liked it almost as much as having Ran’s hands on him, which were a much appreciated addition. He leaned slightly into the touch, holding Ran’s gaze. His expression was pointed, as if for some unfathomable reason Ran expected Yohji to object. Yohji decided that was a misconception that he needed to dispel and made a very deliberate yet quiet noise of approval.

His own hands sought Ran out on their own accord, momentarily gathering fistfuls of his shirt before sliding downwards and slipping under the hem. He was already shifting forward, guided by his instinct that told him he ought to kiss Ran, because he couldn’t afford not to….even caught up in a moment of unexpected passion his libido clashed painfully with an ever present leaden weight lodged deep in his gut that reminded him that moments like this might be numbered, that his newfound happiness could easily be snatched away at any given moment.

As his fingers smoothed past Ran’s sides and across his back, Yohji couldn’t help noticing that each muscle he glanced felt strung steel-taught. Ran was carrying himself like one completely saturated by pain and stress. Which, Yohji remembered uncomfortably, had to be true. He missed Ran’s mouth, instead swinging his face so that it was level to Ran’s ear. An errant lock of crimson brushed over Yohji’s nose as he spoke.

“You’re really tense.”

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

...And that probably wasn't normal for someone who'd just been jerked off well.

Ran ducked his head to hide his frown, forehead stopping just short of Yohji's shoulder. The barely-there five o'clock shadow on both their faces scratched like sandpaper on his cheek with the movement. He hadn't expected Yohji to deflect toward discussion.

The hands on his back were kneading as they traveled, calling his attention to the persistent ache between his shoulder blades and down his spine. It wasn't an unusual state, but now that Yohji was trying his best to relieve it, he was paying attention. Noticing made it almost worse.

Irritated at Yohji, because the only other target was himself, he attempted to distract the other man from his unwanted observations by moving his hand downward until his fingertips were inserted below the wasteband of Yohji's tattered pajama bottoms.

His mind derailed there. Yohji wasn't trying. He came in with sloppy bandages and well-worn clothing.

Ran didn't know anything - that was a good thing, Ran suppressed the flare of jealousy - about how Yohji acted with his dates, other than his observations (more frequent than he'd admit) of Yohji flirting in the shop or on the street. He didn't know anything about dating, even when it didn't come to Yohji. But he suspected that the usually polished man would go all out. This Yohji wasn't trying to impress him. There was no smooth veneer.

The irritation bled away.

Yohji trusted him. There was no mask.

He moved his hand to rest where leg met hip, forefinger and thumb straddling Yohji's waist possessively. After a moment, he dropped his forehead to rest on Yohji's shoulder.

His mind was still racing.

...just about sex? Yohji has never been serious. Know that's false, he's been dying inside, you've seen it. Ken's out, but could come back. Can no longer be mission partners. Aya should be home...have to stop before she sees this...not just about sex? Where is Omi. Jeopardizing the team. Creating liability. Crawford's team stronger, able to function without emotion, you would lose, weaker...Aya could have been taken...Yohji might keep me human, liability is unavoidable. Not inhuman. No answers.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

The muscles in Yohji’s abdomen tensed unavoidably as Ran’s fingers brushed unexpectedly close to sensitive regions. He froze.

Did Ran think that’s what Yohji had come here for? Was he just catering to what he thought was expected of him?

He really had only come here to sleep.

If Ran persisted he knew he wouldn’t have the willpower to make him stop. He just wasn’t that strong.

Ran’s fingers suddenly changed direction and Yohji let out a breath of air that he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding.

To find himself…relieved to have just bypassed sex honestly left Yohji floored. But he was drained. Worse than drained, and Ran was just as bad off. It didn’t take a lot of experience to realize that that was a recipe for disaster. At the very best it would be uncomfortable, more likely painful. As badly as Yohji was gripped by the inclination that he couldn’t afford to waste any opportunities, he was even less willing to encourage Ran to do something he’d inevitably find unpleasant.

He would not allow Ran to make him a regret.

His heart thudded painfully as Ran’s head dropped to his shoulder.

This wasn’t a position frequented by his flings or dates. Probably the last person to do that had been N—

But she had been faking it.

All the while her body sent the message of seeking comfort, her mind had been filled with vehement revulsion for him. She said so herself. Just before he –killed- her….

His fingers tensed, digging into Ran’s muscle with a little more force than must have been pleasant for the redhead. He instantly recovered, slamming a lid down on his spiraling thoughts as he soothingly rubbed over the indiscretion on Ran’s back.

“Sorry.” His voice was hoarse. It suddenly occurred to him how little he’d had to eat or drink in the past twenty-four hours. His stomach had been so twisted up with fear and stress that the pains of deficiency had slipped under his notice. He wasn’t willing to leave Ran’s room now though, he resigned himself to ignoring it a while longer.

Only one of his arms offered any strength and so his work on Ran’s back was lopsided and weak. He let his head fall sideways so that it lightly rested against Ran’s. In spite of himself his eyes began to slide shut and the movements of his hand gained irregularity. He simultaneously wanted to pull Ran down to the bed to sleep, and fix the other man up, doing everything in his power to take care of him. For the billionth time that night he cursed his inadequacies.

“Your leg,” he finally sighed into Ran’s hair. “It won’t do for me to have a gangrenous boyfriend.”

Now seemed as good a time as ever to have that fight. Maybe Ran would be too tired to contend.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran made a noise of displeasure at the sudden jab, but the apologetic, weak motions of Yohji's hand kept him from doing more. He glanced at Yohji's face out of the corner of his eyes. It was pensive. Uncertain, he stilled, distracted from Yohji's administrations. A moment later he brought a tentative arm up, hooking it around Yohji's ribcage to his back.

He had just been returned, Ran reminded himself. He was selfish. Yohji had practically begged for this, and when Ran finally gave in, it was when Yohji was in god-knew-what-mental-state.

He frowned. He'd assumed if this ended, it would be his choice. Yohji's expression made him realize whatever potential this held could be gone just as easily without his permission in the morning.

What was Yohji thinking? What memories was he reliving? The dead girl, or the other dead girl, or something else entirely?

Yohji's next words made his eyes fly open, thoughts scattered. Reassuring in their own way, Ran had been wrong.

'Boyfriend' was not uttered by someone looking to end this.

It also was not a position he'd applied for.

He backed off, but left only a few inches between them, rather than the entire bed like his first instinct prompted him to. He narrowed his eyes at Kudoh.

"I didn't agree to that," he warned, mouth grim.

That was more than liability. That sort of attachment...and Ran had told him. There wasn't anything like Yohji was looking for left in him.

This shouldn't have happened. He'd been selfish. Over an hour ago, and the correct response should have been, 'I don't care that you still breathe, go find your happiness far away from here. Weiss doesn't want you.'

...but even thinking that makes you sick.

Damnit.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

The momentary bliss of feeling his embrace returned was all too quickly shattered.

Well. It’s not like he hadn’t asked for it.

Actually Ran was taking this rather well. The part of Yohji’s mind that wasn’t frantically wrestling for an answer distantly noted that Ran ought to have vacated the room, slamming the door in his face.

Probably should have saved that battle for after he slept with you.

No. Would have lost your chance of him taking you seriously. Might be too late as it stands.

Damnit.

It’s not too late to backtrack. He could give in. Apologize and avoid rocking the boat.

Was he really stupid enough to push for what he wanted?

Not wanted. Needed.

For a while the strings of sex and alcohol had helped. They were comforting. But overuse leads to resistance. His medicine was stagnating into poison. Ran was somehow different. Genuine comfort. Yohji hadn’t figured out what propelled his feelings, but recognizing them, he clung possessively. He needed Ran. If Ran only granted him a taste but denied possession….Yohji knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from poisoning. He just wasn’t someone who knew how to cope with addiction.

Don’t forget. Just the other day you admitted that you’d accept anything Ran was willing to offer.

Pathetic.

He bent down and started deliberately stripping the bandages off Ran’s leg. It gave him an excuse to avoid Ran’s eyes.

“It’s all I’m offering,” he bluffed.

He was visited by the unexpected memory of a distant day, back on the force. There’d been a confiscated handgun in the evidence locker. A coworker had administered a single bullet and drunkenly spun the chamber….

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran hissed as crusted blood pulled on his skin, then frowned.

Yohji avoided his gaze.

He allowed the work on his leg. He couldn't refute that it needed new dressings. It had stopped shaking and he could feel all of it, which meant improvement from that afternoon. What wasn't an improvement, was also that he could feel all of it.

His fingers curled into the mattress, hating Yohji in that moment for cornering him. He couldn't go anywhere, and couldn't avoid Yohji's demands, or the discussion.

"I told you I have nothing to give you to make that worth your while," Ran snapped.

He turned his head to the side. Arguing with Yohji was never a good idea, the man fed on it. Anytime Ran had ever tried, he would just throw counter-reasons in his face.

"Yohji," Ran frowned harder. He glanced back. Finally he sighed, then elaborated. "I told you that Weiss comes first if this happens. There's no point..." he trailed off, unable to complete it himself. Nothing is permanent.

He looked down at the bandaging Yohji was working on, then away again.

Did he want what Yohji was offering?

What was Yohji offering??

He steeled his eyes and looked back at the other man. After a moment they softened with uncertainty. "I don't know what you're asking," he admitted.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

“I’m part of Weiss,” the refute was automatic.

Shoot. Wrong thing to say. That implied that Ran should cater to his needs simply to soothe the team. That’s not what he wanted at all.

He slowed his ministrations, noting the telltale signs that Ran was in pain. When all the bandages had been removed he cringed at the sight of Ran’s leg.

God. How he fucking HATED guns.

He risked leaving his teammate alone for a moment while he retrieved some antiseptic. After a second thought he also grabbed a small flask that he kept stashed near the first aide. On returning he tossed it to Ran and finished carefully treating his leg.

On finishing, he stalled. Ran really needed to change his clothes too. They were caked with dried blood and other grime, and posed a real risk of infection. He wasn’t about to start forcing Ran out of them though. He stared blankly at the bandaged limb as the seconds ticked by, and finally broke the standstill by pushing himself back off the bed. He stumbled to Ran’s closet and snatched the first pair of pants he saw. Handing them to the injured man he crawled to the vacant side of the bed and lay down, back to Ran. He told himself that he simply wanted to continue avoiding eye contact. It made him uneasy to admit that Ran obviously wouldn’t be comfortable changing in front of him. Never mind what had already transpired.

He laid, arms wrapped around himself and eyes protectively shut. Ran’s questions clacked inside his skull like pinball pellets. He didn’t have straightforward answers.

“I just want….”

Someone like Asuka.

No. Wrong answer. Terrible answer.

Besides, it wasn’t even exactly true anymore. Things had complicated. Explanations were involved.

Someone who makes me /feel/ the way she made me feel.

Closer.

Still not acceptable.

Just someone who makes me /feel/. Period.

True. But…no.

He gave up trying.

“Why do you think I’m trying to take something from you?” He defaulted with a sigh. “You use the word ‘give’ an awful lot.”

He let his eyes slowly open but kept them fixed on the wall. Ran kept it unfortunately barren, so he failed to find the distraction he was hoping for.

After another moment of uncomfortable silence he sighed again. “I’m just asking you not to push me away. If I know you won’t do that then I won’t have to look elsewhere.”

“It’s not that complicated. I’m not asking you to marry me or anything.”

Asuka hadn’t wanted to marry him either.

Hadn't they already had this conversation?

God, he was tired.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran had shut his eyes, dealing with whatever Yohji felt needed to be done, when suddenly the cool form of a bottle was thrust into his hands. He must have left the room, a first-aid kit had appeared. Yohji looked grim as he rebound the wound. Ran assessed it for himself; it would be fine, the scar he'd have didn't matter. There were many more on his body to make that one negligible.

He'd taken painkillers, which didn't mix very well with alcohol. Ran, in general, felt he did not mix very well with alcohol. His leg hurt, his mind was exhausted, he was emotionally raw - he found he didn't care if the drugs mixed badly or not. He unscrewed the top and took a swig, then five more.

Yohji was staring at his leg. He seemed to have dozed off on his feet when he suddenly lurched over to Ran's closet and threw a pair of pants at him. In the next moment, Yohji threw himself on his bed and mumbled.

Ran's face grew troubled as Yohji's rambling progressed.'

'I'm just asking you not to push me away.'

Ran wasn't sure he could honor that.

And this was exactly what he'd meant. He was hurting Yohji while trying to protect him. In retrospect, saying what he had made him sound like the asshole he'd been accused of being time and again.

Boyfriend.

Issues of sexuality not dwelled upon, the word sounded ridiculously mundane. It made Yohji sound like the twenty-something he was, not an assassin, not older beyond his years, not like someone who'd been through trauma like he had.

Ran didn't own scissors, and so limped to his feet and retrieved his katana from its stand. Balancing by leaning heavily on one elbow on the top of the dresser, he unzipped his jeans, and shredded the fabric avoiding the metal teeth until the crusty material dropped. He wiped the blade on the bedsheets, took the whetting stone from the drawer and made sure the sword was pristine before placing it back.

He was unabashed about standing in his underwear. Yohji wasn't looking, and if he had, he'd just seen much more than that. He'd seen more than that anyway, on missions, countless times.

Their jobs made it impossible to live without intimacy. But if it wasn't defined, if it wasn't something Ran categorized as having, it wasn't something he could lose, by fire or car in the night. Yohji wanted to change that. Ran was trying to protect himself.

He didn't mean to slight Yohji's efforts, but he pulled a pair of loose pajama bottoms from a drawer instead of donning the pants the other man thrown down for him. Yohji himself was curled on the bed, as though he was trying to shut out life.

Fuck.

He threw himself down on the bed to save himself from walking, landing on his good hip. He dragged himself flat, ending with his side barely touching Yohji's back. The abandoned bottle brushed his fingertips, but all the alcohol had done was make it easier for his thoughts to slide places he didn't want them going.

If his teammate didn't want him there, he would have left for his own room.

"I wanted a boyfriend when I was twelve," Ran said suddenly. "I didn't understand why you would want to spend all your time with a girl, when they didn't play with you with the cooler toys and always nagged you." He smiled, small and invisible. "Aya was always scolding me for being immature back then. She was only ten."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Ran wasn’t answering him.

Yohji resigned himself to being disappointed. He hadn’t actually expected to get the results he’d wanted. He should have saved pushing the envelope for later, when they both didn’t feel like absolute shit.

Anyway, Ran was right. Yohji knew that he had too many vices for his presence not to be taxing. He acted like he wasn’t asking anything of Ran, knowing full well that simply monopolizing his time had to be a relevant drain.

He’d been lying, besides. He knew there wasn’t a shot in Hell that he could successfully push Ran away. His demands held no weight. He’d just hoped….

It was really surprising he hadn’t learned yet not to hope for things.

His eyes widened dramatically at the sound of steel on stone.

Jesus fuck. Ran was actually going to KILL him.

The sentiment only lasted a second, and Yohji was rather dismayed to have had such an outlandish thought.

Post traumatic stress syndrome. Or…something. He tried to reassure himself uneasily.

No wonder Ran hesitated to commit. He was a fucking basket case.

Yohji was surprised to find himself no longer alone on the bed, Ran still seeking contact, albeit minimally. He shifted into the touch, effectively undoing the threat of his ultimatum-like statement.

Ran’s words hit him from left field.

“Are you serious?” Yohji’s eyebrow shot up. “When I was twelve all I cared about was Doraemon and model airplanes.” He turned over so that he was on his back and could look at Ran. “I think you both had me beat on maturity.”

He paused, trying to picture the juvenile siblings and failing miserably.

“But then, I also thought I was too cool for anyone,” He snorted.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran snorted softy and looked away from Yohji again. His cellphone had migrated to his bedside table. He considered calling Omi back and making sure they were both really on their way home.

He didn't really want to talk about his childhood. He was too long gone from it, and thinking about Aya only made him dwell on their fight, on what he must seem like to her now.

"It never happened." Ran surprised himself by clarifying. Yohji deserved to know, though, and be completely aware at how unsuited Ran was to the role he'd suggested. No experience and not enough empathy to keep even his sister from hating him.

He closed his eyes, bent on sleep. This didn't need to be talked about now.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

“No kidding?” Yohji fought to keep the disbelief out of his voice. He didn’t want it to be taken as criticism.

“Changed your mind about the girls?” He asked cautiously.

He wasn’t about to believe that Ran simply hadn’t been with anyone. Ran was exactly the sort of ultra attractive, top-of-the-class kind of person that had had clownish high school Yohji practically bending over backwards to sway the attention of the girls away from. Before he had morphed into the object of desire, Yohji had viewed him as ultimate competition. Ran was perfect. Perfect people weren’t alone.

Well, perfect normal people.

By the time he’d met Asuka, Yohji had already had six girlfriends. He’d been propositioned by a boy too, but hadn’t yet felt inclined to explore that territory. All in good time, apparently.

His new partner made all the previous girls fade into the category of ‘silly and shallow.’ He saw things differently after her. Saw things even more differently not long after….

His thoughts were getting dangerous again. He clung to the intriguing concept of the Ran he’d never met, and sadly, probably never would. The point of his thinking being that if he could collect relationships in spades, surely the pre-tragedy Ran should have had him beat.

Well anyway. That was his logic.

He wanted to turn on his side facing Ran and effectively wrap himself around the man feigning sleep. The injury prevented him, and Ran was spared of anything more invasive than a hand splayed over his ribcage.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran's eyes slit and slid sideways to see Yohji's face. Was he teasing him?

He looked genuinely perplexed. Ran was amazed, and irritated at having to draw out his embarrassment. "No," he said shortly. "And there's been no o-"

A door slam and a female voice from downstairs. Ran's eyes flew open. "Aya!"

His eyes connected with Yohji's, hoping the other man saw the apology in them more than the relief.

He lurched to his feet, Yohji's hand falling off of his stomach. He swayed on his feet, caught his balance, and hobbled quickly to the door.

[Ran exits for Wednesday 1.50]

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji fought the strong desire to dash (well, hobble more like,) after Ran. He had to forcefully remind himself that out of all the things that might lose him Ran’s favor, obnoxiously inserting himself into time with Aya-chan was top of the list; especially when the reunion would doubtlessly be touchy and awkward. Her return filled him with a frustrating mix of relief, annoyance and jealousy.

He wasn’t willing to give up his rights to Ran’s bed just yet, anyway. The last time he had been here, he’d been grudgingly tolerated, confronted, and then inevitably thrown out. Yohji wasn’t taking his current permission for granted. If he stayed here, gave the siblings respectable space, Ran might come back. In the end, that’s what counted, wasn’t it? Who he came back to?

Assuming Ran would.

Yohji spread out a little, relishing his current occupation. In spite of it all, this was already far more than he’d actually hoped for. Lucky, he reminded himself, you’re goddamned lucky.

In actuality, Yohji didn’t find Ran’s bed half as comfortable as his own. The blankets were thinner, the sheets a lower thread count. In was plainly obvious that no effort whatsoever had been made to create a sense of luxury. ‘Monastic’ had always been Yohji’s adjective of choice for Ran’s chosen lifestyle, unlike Yohji, who’d sought to turn his own room into a comforting inner sanctum of escape. In spite of that, there was no question of where he’d rather be. There was an intangible sense of ‘Ranness’ permeating the very fibers he was laying on. Even after such an inconclusive clashing followed by a dismissive departure, Yohji still felt something close to contentment laying surrounded by the scent and essence of the person he now had no problem admitting to himself that he loved.

Someone who, as Ran had just surprisingly enlightened him, had never been with anyone.

Yohji was beyond baffled. He knew for a fact that Ran couldn’t be short for offers. He’d witnessed the spectacle of countless girls harassing him for attention on a daily basis. That someone would be alone by choice was completely out of his comprehension. Isolation was probably the thing that Yohji Kudoh dreaded the most. He was reminded uneasily that for all of the similarities he saw in Ran, clung to as hope that they might be good for each other, their personalities where still profoundly different on a very fundamental level.

He desperately hoped it wouldn’t inevitably prove insurmountable.

He decided to worry about that later and closed his eyes. He hoped Ran would be there when he awoke.