Tuesday 1.8 - Interruptions

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

It'd already been what felt like hours, and she hadn't been able to write a single word down. Homework was the least of her worries at the moment. She frowned down at the paper, her mind projecting imaginary images of the day's events onto it. Omi not being at school. Coming home to a unusually noiseless - not to mention closed - store. Ran's pale face. The awkwardness of the conversation they'd had at the bottom of the stairs.

Aya-Chan glanced at the clock, and was surprised to see that only a few minutes had passed since she'd walled herself in her room. Perhaps... well, perhaps the others hadn't left yet. And maybe she'd get another chance at a conversation - a real conversation - with Ran.

The first thing the young girl noticed as she stepped out of her room was the silence. It was a silence she wasn't quite used to; at least, not on a Tuesday night. She hastily pushed aside the suspicions and doubts that automatically entered her thoughts. Not now. Not when she'd already made up her mind to have a nice talk - and perhaps dinner - with the others.

Aya-Chan quickened her steps down the hall, reaching Ran's door with record speed. Raised her hand. Knocked.

There was no turning back now.

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[7bladed.livejournal.com]

"But..." tears were forming in Aya-Chan's eyes now. She wanted so badly to understand the situation, but she just couldn't. "But... but there must be another way." There had to be.

She tried to view the situation again in his perspective, trying and hoping that she could somehow grasp any - even if it was a little - of his reasoning. Parents dead. Sibling lifeless. She felt a mixture of emotions: helplessness, anger, insanity... anger.

She didn't know this Takatori person, but if he wasn't dead, a part of her would've wanted to kill him as well. Taking her parents from her. Taking two years of her life from her. Turning her beloved brother into...

But still. That was still just a part of her. She wasn't sure she'd ever become capable of acting on those feelings. Aya-Chan found herself staring down at her own hands. Wondering what kinds of emotions she would feel if they were covered in blood. She was shuddering now.

How it must feel. She couldn't imagine it. Did he enjoy it? Fear it...? Does it haunt him?

Thoughts were racing through her mind, completely jumbled and incoherent. But she couldn't keep her eyes off her own hands. Couldn't stop herself from imagining them bloodstained. She vaguely registered the tears that were now coursing down her cheeks.

It must be horrible...

She took a step forward. And then another. And before she knew it, she was hugging him. Crying, and not sure what to think or how to feel.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran stumbled backward, but his arms went around her and held on.

His eyes were wide and unseeing, staring over her shoulder to a blank white wall.

The horror on her face..."there must be another way!"

There wasn't.

The way she had looked at him just then, there had been such sorrow in her eyes...

He gripped her, and bent his head into her hair. The moisture in his eyes refused to fall.

But despite it all...she was hugging him.

He struggled to understand. Was it because she had no one else? Because she was afraid to do otherwise? The expression on her face haunted him. It was if she was looking at a stranger.

Wasn't she? "Please..." His voice broke. It sounded desperate even to him.

He didn't know what to ask. Perhaps for some assurance that she would still be there when he returned.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

The sound of his voice pulled Aya-Chan out of her dissociation. This was Ran. It was the same Ran as always. Perhaps she didn't understand his reason for this, but there had to be one. Her arms tightened around him.

He must know what he was doing. And there must be some sort of reasoning behind this that she couldn't see. This was Ran, not some stranger.

Still, the image of bloodstained hands refused to leave her thoughts. She wasn't sure what to say to him; how to reply to his plea. How to make him see that she wanted to understand, and that she loved him.

Her mind was on auto-pilot now. It was a stupid habit, really; one she'd always wanted to get rid of. "Do you..." she buried her face into Ran's shirt, muffling her words a little. "... have time to stay for dinner?" Those weren't the words she'd been looking for, and she felt frustration washing over her.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran tightened his arms over her, as if to imprint how it felt in his mind, before stepping back enough to examine her face. It was tearstained and bewildered.

Frustration. Frustration with himself, with this life...that she couldn't have what she deserved. Normalcy. A brother she didn't have to rationalize or doubt. Parents. Two years of her life.

He almost didn't recognize her question.

He looked at the clock. One hour until they left. It would take a half hour to prepare himself. He'd wanted to do more than that, practice with his blade.

He looked back to her uncertain expression. "I have a half hour..." he replied finally. "It's all I can spare. But I promise, tomorrow...you can have all day, Aya. I'll write you a note for school."

It wasn't enough. The whole exchange felt like his nightmare. He didn't believe her attempt at normalcy, or at acceptance.

His hands rested on her arms gently, searching for reassurance in her eyes. At least some promise that she would still be there to work at this when he returned.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan sniffed, and reached up to wipe her face. She couldn't formulate words right now, or coherent thoughts for that matter. She nodded, the thought of school not even crossing her mind. An entire day. A day to talk with Ran, and try to understand.

Because all she really wanted was to understand... For the first time that night, she gave a sliver of a smile.

"I could... still prepare something small." She didn't really want to accept that he'd be gone soon. Didn't really want to stay alone in the house and let his imagination wander. "And you... everyone... could eat a little something before..." she didn't want to say it, "... leaving."

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran's eyes widened yet again, surprise and gratitude warring in them. "You don't have to do that," His voice was low. "It's enough..." He cleared his throat. "Aya." He reached up, touched her hair gently. "Just-be here when I get back." His voice still held a trace of his fears, though he fought to keep it steady and assuring.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan swallowed. Nodded. "I'll be here." She reached out for his hand as it brushed her hair. Held his hand in hers. "I'll always be here."

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran nodded, shakily. It was more than he ever hoped.

She hadn't run.

He dropped his hands to his sides. There wasn't enough time for him to start the conversation he knew they had to have. "Do you want me to come down with you?" He asked, after a sideways glance at the bed. He was unwilling to don his full mission gear in front of her, even now.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

She noticed his glance at the bed and shook her head. "No..." a part of her wanted to scream at him to stay and not go, but she knew that wasn't possible. She headed for the door and then paused.

"You'll be careful, won't you...?" She was afraid to turn around and look at him when she asked the question. You'll come back, right?

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

"Yes." Ran stated, firmly. He would have added how easy he felt this mission was compared to the others they'd had, but he knew that would only alienate Aya more. He didn't want her thinking about the other things he'd done.

"Aya - we'll talk tomorrow?"

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

She was afraid of the firmness in his voice. Afraid that, if she opened her mouth now, her questions and concerns would all come pouring out. So, she simply nodded. She opened the door; the eerie hallway that had made her suspicious on here way here was now haunting her.

[Aya-Chan exits]

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran let out his breath after she was gone, shuddering.

What had he done?

He should have gone after her, but it would only make things worse. He needed to give her space to adjust to him.

He passed his hand through his hair, the blood-colored locks slipping through his fingers.

She hadn't...she was trying to accept him. The realization was almost more than he could comprehend.

But what had he done?

He had known that he couldn't keep his choices from bleeding over into her life, not when they were so closely tied to her recovery and both of their well-being. He couldn't regret it. He had done what he'd had to, and the dark beasts he'd killed deserved their fate.

Nevertheless, he couldn't block out the look he'd seen in her eyes. How they'd widened, filled with tears, filled with fear, filled with...

Ran grabbed the coat off his bed and pulled it over his shoulders, durable fabric molding to his frame. He began fastening the buckles, tight so the fabric wouldn't interfere with his movement. When he was done, he lifted his katana and headed to the roof, locking his door behind him.

He needed to clear his mind before he did what he had to do.