Sunday 1.6: Escape

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran had grabbed his katana and stormed up to the exercise room, but the present moment found him hunched over his sword, staring at the hilt and the slim blade glinting beneath.

He should never have threatened Yohji with his sword, even if both men knew he wouldn't use it against him, at least not for that.

He could almost see the blood of the fallen streaming in the sunlight, a river that stretched down from the window and across the floor. Gathering on the blade and making it gleam orange with morning sun.

He had told himself that once his sister was awake, he would no longer be Weiss. He would no longer touch this weapon, or kill again.

But his sister need protection.

But it was more than that.

It was more than the money, too, however needed.

Perhaps it was a sense of obligation towards his team. Perhaps it was that he had transferred his need for a purpose to his team, now that Aya-chan was with them, now that he felt obsolete.

Perhaps somehow, Omi's idealism had spread to him, and he recognized the need for an absolute justice outside of the law.

Something was keeping him here.

He shook off his thoughts.

He was still throbbing with the irritation Yohji was so adept at provoking.

Ran straightened, and fell into a familiar pattern, careful footsteps and swinging blade courting one another in a graceful dance, two parts of one whole.

Comments

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji sighed internally. Ran didn't seem to understand that the way he talked rarely reflected how he actually felt about things. The jokes were practically a default setting. Ready to pull from when Yohji felt uncomfortable, and not sure what to say.

"I'm serious."

He sat quietly and waited for Ran to continue.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Surprised, Ran considered Yohji a moment, then settled back down. He examined Yohji, then nodded, satisfied.

There were, of course, much more complicated forms of meditation, but for Yohji's sake he chose the least complicated. He doubted the man would ever be meditating again, anyhow.

"Sit cross legged or on your knees," he started, finally. "Place your hands here," he rested his on his thighs. "Concentrate on your body to clear your mind."

He was about to start himself, then realized the playboy would probably need more guidance. "Focus on how each limb feels. Do not regulate your breath, but concentrate on how it feels breathing in, and out. Clear your mind."

He watched Yohji, curious if his teammate would actually try.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Well, that sounded easy enough. Yohji arranged himself so that his posture reflected Ran's. He thought he was probably supposed to close his eyes or something, but Ran hadn't, so Yohji waited.

Clear your mind

That was a rather daunting task. Yohji doubted that his mind had been anywhere near clear for over three years now. He kept it busy on purpose. Clear minds had room for memories and univited thoughts.

He should start with Ran's advice by focusing on something.

Yohji tried to concentrate on his body. His body felt like shit. He hadn't slept in at least 48 hours, and he'd spent about 12 of those hours drinking. Now instead of clear, his mind felt guilty.

He tried narrowing his focus.

His left hand didn't hurt, focus on that.

His hand didn't hurt because it had long ago calloused over from the hundreds of wire cuts Yohji had aquirred over his time in Weiss. There was even a scar from the night that he killed....

Yohji cringed and pushed that thought as far back as he possibly could.

"I can't clear my mind."

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran nodded, watching the strange play of emotions on Yohji's face. "It takes practice," he said patiently.

"Close your eyes, and start from your head. Don't think. Feel. Your head, your shoulders, your body, the air on your skin. The way your legs rest on the ground. Breathe," he added.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji closed his eyes and tried to follow Ran's instruction.

For a few minutes he managed to shut down his thoughts and concentrate. He felt some of the tension he hadn't even realized he'd been holding start to melt.

but then....

it was like a blitz kreig.

The more he let himself relax the more violently his mind would sneak up on him. For a moment he felt physically ill.

He opened his eyes again and just shook his head silently.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran paused, then pushed to his feet. He looked down at Yohji. All joking had fled his features, a trace of the man's turmoil bleeding into his expression.

He should have known. The man had carefully built up the practice of distracting himself from his life to a science. Take that away, and Ran wasn't sure either of them were prepared to deal with what was left.

Instead of berating Yohji for giving up, Ran extended a hand. It was unprecedented contact outside of a mission. "Meditation is not for everyone."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji hesitantly took Aya's hand and pulled himself up. He was grateful that Aya was giving him an out without criticism.

"Thanks for humoring me," he mumbled.

It was hard to make eye contact.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran glanced at Yohji out of the corner of his eyes. "Hn." He responded. There wasn't much else to say.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji sat back down on the sofa and closed his eyes for a moment. Well, *that* was a brillant idea. He had just managed to further prove to Ran that he was a complete and utter loser.

He wondered if Ran was going to leave now. Yohji felt even less prepared to deal with a solitary existance than he had ten minutes ago. If he wanted to avoid that, he'd better say something.

"Um," he had started talking without actually figuring out what he was going to say "...what kind of books do you read? You seem like a Mishma kind of guy to me."

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran raised an eyebrow. Currently, what he was reading was not something he wanted to share with Yohji.

Instead of answering, he asked, "Are you doing something else today?"

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Ran's obvious avoidance of his question piqued Yohji's interest, but he didn't press the issue.

What was Yohji doing today? Sleep would have been his first answer, but he'd already tried that and failed. Probably before breakfast he would have said "go out" but he didn't really feel like that anymore.

"Nope," he said with a shrug.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

He had nothing to say. Ran nodded at Yohji after a moment of silence. "I'm...going to make tea."

It was unnecessary. Yohji did not need to know what he was doing.

Uncomfortable with the situation, he turned on his heel and went upstairs.

[Ran leaves.]