Sunday 1.12 - An excersise in futility

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji once again stopped in his tracks, this time to step away from the curb as an all-too-familiar porsche rolled by; occupancy two. They didn't notice him of course. With the center of his universe already in the car, safely one might add, Yohji was well out of Ran's orbit of awareness.

His grip subconsciously tightened around his phone. No one had bothered to let him know that things were okay.

The need to refill his cigarettes suddenly lost it's urgency.

Ran hadn't been driving very fast, he could easily beat them home.

Ten minutes later found Yohji, true to his prediction, alone in the Koneko's kitchen. He considered going up to his room, but found himself going through the motions of making coffee instead; he wasn't sure why. Whether or not he'd hang around afterward remained to be seen.

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[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji flinched with practiced exageration. "Ouch Ken, that hurts, ya know? My self-esteem is pretty fragile!" He had to bite down on his lip to keep from smiling.

"I hadn't been planning on going anywhere, but I never turn down a free drink. I don't care where."

He looked up and caught Ken avoiding his eyes, which only fueled his tendency to fidget at Ken's honesty. Even after all this time it surprised him when the others opened up to him. Despite the fact that Ken had the inexplicable ability to open up to almost anybody.

"And that wasn't Whiny Ken," Yohji mumbled, "I haven't felt like being myself in almost three fucking years."

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Ken wasn't able to keep the surprise from registering on his face. That was one of the last things he ever expected to hear coming from Yohji.

"What?! But you're...you're Yohji," he blurted before his brain could apply a sensitivity filter to his mouth. By the time it did, a couple things had occured to him.

Wasn't it sort of like J-Leagues, when all sorts of people told him how envious they were of his talent?

What I wouldn't give to trade places with you, Hidaka-san
Do you know how fortunate you are? You've been blessed, and don't you forget it
Ken-kun is so *lucky*, it's just not fair

"I mean, I don't get it. Why would you...you always seem so..." He flailed a bit, trying to find the words to help extract his foot from his mouth. It didn't seem to be working well.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Ken's reaction illicited a raised eyebrow. "So....what?" He leaned back a little against the doorframe. "You just said you wanted to go out to get away from yourself for a while. Why do you think I go out so often, eh?"

He was mildly amused at the flustered way Ken used his name as if it carried some hidden explaination within it. Did the other's really think he was happy? Yohji hadn't considered himself that good of an actor. True, he managed to go missing frequently, which spared him some of the pretense.

"You really thought...." he watched Ken in genuine interest, it seemed kind of surreal to be having a actual conversation with him after what felt like a lifetime of banter, "Kritiker doesn't 'recruit' happy people, you know."

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

"No. They don't." Ken replied. "Still, no one is happy all the time. And you at least give the impression of...contentment."

That's how it seemed, anyway. From the amazing lengths he went to avoid getting up and going to work, to the smooth and easy way he managed to flirt and charm every skirt that flounced into the Koneko, right down to his method of killing (swift,silent, near-invisible) that closely resembled a spider; everything about Yohji screamed "this is a man who flows where he pleases, rest of the world be damned".

"I always admired that about you. You aren't like the rest of us. You're living, Weiss or no Weiss. You're alive." He shrugged and stuck his hand in the pocket of his jeans. "That's why I was so surprised."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji smiled sadly. "I was dead before you met me, Ken. And there's blood on my hands that's older than Weiss. You should save your admiration for someone more genuine."

Well.... This was awkward. It was, perhaps, the sort of conversation Yohji had hoped to eventually explore with Ran. But Ken? If Yohji had entertained a delusion that any of them were content, Ken would have been the one he pegged. When stuff bothered him, he dealt with it. To hear Ken announce that he admired him--He, Yohji, who specialized in being a bad role model--well, it was just weird.

He made a flippant gesture with his hand. "If we're going to start baring our souls like this, I think I'm going to need that drink first."

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

"I hear you. Let me go change. Think about where you wanna go...you know those places better than I do." Ken happily latched onto Yohji's change of mood.

Before he made his way towards the stairs, he gave Yohji a solid, but gentle punch on the shoulder. It was sort of a manly way of saying...saying what? Thanks? I understand? Things are cool between us?

Even Ken wasn't really sure. It just felt like the right thing to do at the time, an appropriate end to one of the deeper conversations the two of them had in the years they'd known each other.

He followed it with a smile he actually meant and felt before half sprinting up the stairs. It'd been far too long since he'd gotten blizted. He'd deal with the hangover tomorrow.

[exit Ken, stage left]

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

With a remarkably simple gesture from Ken, Yohji felt the knot of anxiety that had been building all day melt away. He had been taking things way too personally for some reason. Well, he still felt justified in his frustration with Ran, but at least things were cool with the others. That was all he could ever really reasonably expect.

He smiled as Ken disapeared up the stairs. It had been a pretty long time since he had gone out and done anything with Ken. Why was that? Ken was pretty fun. He certainly made the best drinking partner in any case.

Yohji looked down at his clothes. He supposed he ought to go change too. Not that what he was wearing wasn't already perfectly acceptable club attire, but Ran's disdain over his shirt this morning had made him a little paranoid. Why are you worrying about what Ran thinks, he's not even coming with you.

He shook off the unease that was trying to latch back onto him and headed to his room.

(exit Yohji.)