Sunday 1.18 - A Temporary Escape

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji stared at the contents of his closet and felt completely uninspired. Usually he could be ready for the club scene in 3 minutes or less, as about eighty percent of the clothing he owned had been bought with that in mind. Tonight though, nearly everything he picked up gave him mental flashbacks to Ran's disapproving glare over breakfast.

Why is that bothering me? Ran wouldn't know fashion if it came up behind him and smacked him over the head with a two-by-four. He's not even going out with us. Ferchrissakes, what's my *problem* today?

Everything pink now occupied an unhappy pile on the floor. Everything else that Yohji imagined Ran hating occupied another, equally unfortunate, albeit larger pile next to it.

That left a whole lotta black.

Yohji rolled his eyes at himself for caring, and grabbed an unusually subdued shirt off the rack.

Peeking into the hallway, he saw no sign of Ken yet, so he wandered to his door and knocked lightly.

"Hey, Kenken?"

Comments

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Hearing voices, Ran looked up for a split second on his way down the stairwell to find Omi, and it was enough to make him pause.

There was Yohji outside of Ken's door, and he looked...

...older. His age. Presentable.

But still dressed to go out. He doubted the other man even owned clothes that didn't outline every focal point on his body. Nevertheless, Ran couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Yohji in clothes this unoffensive.

...not that he noticed.

Ran realized he'd stopped moving, if only for a split second, and mentally bristled. Irritated with himself, he turned to continue down the stairs. He didn't care what Yohji was up to, or Ken for that matter. It wasn't his business until it affected the team.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

The sound of footsteps caused Yohji to turn around to see if Ken had already left his room and was now coming back....

...And momentarily brightened at the sight of Ran....

...Which was quickly snuffed out as he noticed that Ran was very deliberatly walking away. Well, that figured.

He considered, only for a split second, inviting Ran to join them in their outing, but quickly dismissed it. He would probably be indignant at the mere suggestion that he would waste his time at a place like a club.

Well. Whatever.

Yohji made up his mind that he and Ken were going to have a very good time tonight, regardless of how many drinks that required.

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Ken opened the door to his room and stepped out in the hallway. There was a brief moment of blinkage as he noted Yohji's slightly miffed expression.

"Yo. Sorry I took so long. Couldn't find my good shoes," he explained as he shut the door behind him. And indeed, he was wearing his good shoes, along with a rather nice pair of slacks and a soft green shirt.

He knew he couldn't compete with Yohji in the looks department, but he was at least coming to the playing field ready to compete. Besides, what was the point of not being Ken if he went out in his usual jeans and trainers?

A quick glance at his wrist revealed a small problem. "I left my watch downstairs. Want me to meet you at the car?"

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

The sound of Ken's voice shook Yohji out of some rather intense internal monolouging. Geeze, had Ran really illicited all that by simply walking by? He made a point to refocus his attention back on Ken.

"You weren't that long," he said, making sure to sound cheerful, and not like someone who was half as confused as he was actually feeling at the moment, "I don't mind waiting if you're not ready yet."

He stepped back into the hall to give Ken room to walk by, and finished with an appraising glance in Ken's direction.

"You look really nice."

It occured to him to say I feel underdressed or, I can't remember the last time I saw you dressed up like that but decided additional commentary was unnessessary.

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Ken paused at the top of the stairs and gave Yohji a surprised, but genuine smile.

"Thanks. Hey, you too." Now that he really stopped to look, Yohji didn't seem to be as...colorful as he normally was. Maybe this was what he meant by some of his earlier comments. Did that mean a lot of his irritating habits were defensive measures?

Ken shook his head. He wasn't going to play shrink until he had a few beers. Taking the stairs a few at a time, he dashed into the living room to grab his watch, seeing as how that was the last place he remembered seeing it.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Ken's smile banished Yohji's residual aggrivation at the way Ran had refused to acknowledge his presence as he'd walked by. It had been nothing out of the ordinary, anyway, there was no reason for Yohji to be offended. He would have more fun just with Ken.

He tugged at his shirt as Ken returned his compliment. "Actually, I'm not sure what I was thinking when I put this on...." Not true, of course. He knew *exactly* what he was thinking, it's just that he must have gone temporarily insane to have thought that....

"What kind of place do you want to go to?" He asked, following Ken down the stairs at a much more casual pace, "There's a new sports bar downtown...."

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Ken half-jogged back to Yohji, snapping his watch on and furrowing his brow in thought. While the thought of the sports bar was instantly appealing, something made him pause.

Sports bars meant blaring televisions, good beer on tap, and a general good mood...with restrictions. He and Yohji would probably settle into their normal "beer and banter" routine with bouts of silence when a good play went down. Frankly, if that was the case they could've had a six pack and watched T.V. at home.

He was determined to stick with the not-Ken theme of the night. That place might well up too many reminders of who he'd been and what he lost. And if they wanted to make another try at having a civilised conversation...a sports bar was a huge no-no.

Ken shook his head. "I didn't get all gussed up for that. I wanna go..." he thought for a minute. "Somewhere...hey yeah! Somewhere where they serve whisky with those ice balls in the glass. I've served them on missions before, but I've never had one. And good music. In case I get drunk enough to want to, God forbid, dance or something."

He grinned, a rare glint of mischief sparkling in his eyes. "Any suggestions, Yohji-sama?" He asked with a laugh.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji grimaced at the formalities taken with his name. Yohji-sama. Gah. What was Ken thinking?

"I know lots of places with good whisky. But I'll only take you under the condition that you never call me that again."

He regarded Ken thoughtfully. He hadn't expected him to turn down his suggestion, but was rather glad he had. Bars with televisions were never on the top of his list, not that he was really that choosey. But the fact that Ken was taking their night out so seriously pleased him. It had been a very long time since Yohji had gone out with another person and not alone, and even longer since that person was someone he actually gave a damn about.

"I know a place that's pretty classy and low key. I think you would like the music there," Yohji felt a sly smile start to spread across his face, "And I think that I am going to have to insist upon you getting drunk enough to, as you put it, 'God forbid, dance or something'."

He pulled his keys out of his pocket and gestured towards the door.

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

It wasn't until they were on the road that Ken began to appreciate why Yohji loved his car so much. It was a very rare treat for Ken to ride in the beautiful automobile; he would have savored the moment more if he could keep still.

He was almost crackling with energy, but he managed to keep it mostly under wraps via a veneer of foot-tapping and picking imaginary lint from his pants. He briefly considered asking if he could roll the window down a crack, but decided against it at the last minute.

"So what's the name of this place? Do you hang out there a lot? Is it one of those places where we'll walk in the door and everyone will raise their glass and scream 'Yohji!' and cheer?"

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji couldn't help taking his eye off the road to gape at Ken. What on earth did the others think he did in his free time? He frowned at the realization that Ken was probably going to be incredibly let down by the reality of what 'a night out with Yohji' was really like.

He started to feel the car drift, and directed his attention back to the centerline.

"Um, Ken, I hate to tell you this, but there aren't really any places like that." He let his gaze dart back to Ken out of the corner of his eye, wondering how he would take the news. "Most places I go, the waitresses know my favorite drink, but not my name."

Ken seemed to be expecting some sort of exciting time, Yohji started to second guess his choice of where they were going. Maybe they should try one of the trendier places he'd only been to once or twice....

"The place I had in mind is called 'Eklipse,' but as I said, it's kinda low key.... If you wanted to go somewhere more popular, I could turn around, and we could try cruising though Ginza, or something...."

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

There was the briefest flare of disappointment when Yohji shot down his illusions. He had imagined that Yohji was sort of like the guys on T.V., luminescent barflies who never had to wait in the club line, were always shown to the V.I.P. lounge, and were greeted with robust enthusiasm as they wove their way through the glittery crowd.

The place I had in mind is called 'Eklipse,' but as I said, it's kinda low key....

...Eclipse. Sliding soft shadows and mystery. A heavenly mask.

He'd seen one once and wondered, childishly, what magic and devilry went on in the space between the sun and moon during that rare spanse of time. Something sparked in his gut, and his impulses told him that yes, this was the one.

It finally occurred to him how hard Yohji had been trying to make him comfortable. Was he afraid he wouldn't live up to the reputation he'd spun in the time he'd known them? Or was that all just part of the "Yohji" he talked about earlier, the one he kept trying to run from?

Maybe this...maybe tonight was an eclipse, a respite in the painful, blinding light that shielded them from the world, from each other.

There was a moment of mental illumination(we'll go there and for once I won't be blinded by his light I'll get a glimpse of what he hides I don't really know enough about him I kill with him and it's still so shallow show me show me I want to know let me see your third dimension)that was quickly molded into friendly curiosity and simple determination.

"Eclipse. Mmm. That sounds fine. Just fine." Ken's reply was smooth and low, still crackling with energy, just better wrapped. "I trust you." He settled back into his chair, leaned his arm against the windowpane and his head against his hand, watching Yohji drive with an easy smile and unreadable eyes.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

"I trust you."

Ken's words rang in his head and caused his hand to tighten around the steering wheel. He remembered, a long time ago, when he'd wanted people to trust him. When he really couldn't fathom why anybody wouldn't. Until Asuka had trusted him, and....

His knuckles were turning white. This was not a good way to start the evening.

He shot Ken a smile and searched for something--anything--to make small talk about. Ken was obviously expecting him to be fun and interesting, and so far he was failing miserably at it.

"So.....where do you usually go when you need to get away from our fabulous abode? Aside from the soccer I mean."

Luckily the club was just down the street now, so if the conversation got too painful they'd have an easy out.

[plotbunny-tiff.livejournal.com]

Ken paused for just a moment before answering. "Just some of the usual stuff. I like pachinko...every once in a while I take my bike all the way out to the country."

His monolouge became reflective, a bit quiet. "There's an old, old shrine out there that no one takes care of anymore. It's sort of hidden in the grass. It's a good place to just...be." He sat a bit straighter in his seat.

"I don't litter or anything," he said defensivly, holding up his hands. "I make sure of that."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji's eyebrow raised at this. Pachinko? That was certainly not a venue that he had pictured Ken soliciting. He could almost imagine Ken gambling over sports--almost. But a game? Ken seemed too much of a take-charge kind of guy to leave anything to chance that much. He also seemed too clean-cut; pachinko bordered on the sketchy. It was closer to Yohji's world than the one he'd invented for Ken. 'Invented' being the key word, apparently Yohji was way off the mark with his expectations for his comrade here.

Talk of visiting shrines were no less expected than the pachinko.

Yohji forced himself to park properly before allowing himself to turn and take a really good look at Ken. He hoped his surprise wasn't obviously plastered across his face.

"You never struck me as the type to litter," he said, fighting his inclinations to assault Ken with unexpected interest. I didn't know you cared for shrines and, What do you think about when you are there?, the questions remained queued in his head, unlikely to escape.

[plotbunny-tiff.livejournal.com]

Ken let Yohji's scrutiny roll off of him like water from a duck.

"Oh...well, yeah. Thanks." He unhooked his seatbelt.

"I'm not really the type to do much of anything. To most people, anyway. I'm background noise."

Woah. Heavy on the emo there man. Ease up a bit.

"I'm ready to make a bit of noise tonight," he joked. "Let's go."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

"Being background noise keeps an assassin alive," Yohji stated the obvious.

He got out of the car and ran his fingers through his hair. Well. Here they were. He hoped Ken was ready to be dissapointed, because Yohji seriously doubted that he was going to meet whatever vauge expectations Ken had formulated.

He walked up and pulled open the angular chrome doors.

"I'm ready to make a bit of noise tonight," Ken had said.

Except this place wasn't noisey. There was no base causing the floor to vibrate as they walked into the room. No strobe light to aggravate a hangover as one walked out. If he'd really tried, he might have been able to find a place like that for Ken. But Ken had said he'd trusted him, and this is where Yohji wanted to be. A place that would look really slick in a black and white movie; Yohji had never really managed to discard the romantic notions that had attracted him to pursing a career as a private eye.

He pulled back an art deco chair and gestured for Ken to sit down. Before he could even beckon, his usual waitress noticed their presense and a mojito wordlessly materialized in front of him. The girl turned to Ken and waited expectantly for him to order.

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

It took Ken more than thirty seconds to close his mouth after he walked in the door. Even then, it was only years of training that allowed him to force his face into something approaching neutrality.

This place was American gangster movie cool. Holy shit.

And Yohji looked right at home in it, elegance itself inviting him to have a taste of a world he never dared dream about.

He swallowed a bit and released a small breath before looking up at the waitress.

"Scotch on the rocks, please. Top rail." Was that the right thing to say? He feverently hoped he hadn't bungled it. She nodded, however, and made her way back to the bar.

Ken sat back in the chair, without a clue as to how young and awed he seemed as he took in his surroundings.

"I was right to trust you...wow. Classic. Lives up to the name."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji flinched before he could stop himself.

"Why?" He really couldn't help asking, "I've never given you a reason to trust me outside of a mission."

He stirred his drink intently, glad for any excuse not to make eye contact. So far Ken seemed impressed, but Yohji wasn't quite sure with what.

It didn't take the waitress long to return with Ken's drink. He winked at her in a way that might have seemed flirtatious, if it hadn't been so rehearsed. But he'd been through the routine with her a thousand times before, and her giggle was just as practiced and empty. As it was with several other waitresses in several other joints; they knew to expect a generous tip and not much else.

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Ken almost frowned, but was momentarily distracted by his drink. A perfectly round sphere of ice sat in a dark amber sea of fine alcohol. The bartender (or the owner) had very good taste and knew what the clientle expected in quality.

For some reason, it pissed Ken off. It was cheating, having the ice pre-molded. The bartender didn't work for it. There was no labor, no craft involved. It was annoying.

Ken swirled the icy globe in his glass, too distracted by its false perfection to be anything but bluntly honest.

"I trust anyone who knows the ropes of what they do. If I want to know about katana care, I ask Aya. Computers? Omi, hands down. And if I want to know about nightlife--" He looked up to see Yohji flirt with the waitress. "You're the man. Besides, you've never given me a good reason not to trust you...other than your promises to show up to work on time, or do your part of the chores, stuff like that."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

So that was what his existence reduced to? Yohji was 'the nightlife man' on a simple list of expertise. He suddenly felt fairly depressed.

"Anyone can fake the ropes at this scene, you know," Yohji said quietly, "it's hardly a skill."

He'd emptied his drink much faster than he'd intended to, and resigned himself to calling back the waitress.

"Katana care would probably buy you a more poignant evening." Yohji looked at Ken, struggling to keep his unease under wraps. "I kinda doubt you're going to have much fun with me here, unless we get thoroughly wasted. And even then...." He forced himself to shut up before Ken decided to get the hell out of Dodge.

"Anyway. I imagine you'd get a rather comical look from Aya if you came up out of no where and asked him for sword polishing advice," Yohji tried to change the topic, "from Ran, I mean. Look from Ran."

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

"I kinda doubt you're going to have much fun with me here, unless we get thoroughly wasted. And even then...."

The ball stopped rolling in the glass. He felt the urge to curve inwards, as if deflecting a sudden punch to the gut. How strange.

Ken swallowed the drink in two quick gulps, only just able to withstand the potent burn. There was a reason he didn't indulge in hard liquors often, and this was a drink meant to be savored slowly.

"Anyway. I imagine you'd get a rather comical look from Aya if you came up out of no where and asked him for sword polishing advice...from Ran, I mean. Look from Ran."

Yohji knocked Ken on his emotional ass.

The whole setup was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. There should be a cruely beautiful redhead sitting in this chair. If Ran were here, the picture would have been just right; his physical appearance, demeanor, hell, even his normal dry and cutting conversation would have done nothing but add to the subtle elegance of the place. If Ran were here.

If Ran were here...Yohji would have been happier.

But the swordsman wasn't here. Only Ken, sitting in that chair with department store shoes and Sapporo mentality. It was as false as the molded ice slowly, slowly melting in the empty glass. He couldn't blame Yohji; he'd been nothing but kind, offering him several chances to stick to his own kind, to familiar ways. But he'd wanted...he just wanted--

--to be seen

"You should bring him here." The words came out on their own and Ken didn't bother with a filter. The glass was put down none too gently on the table between them, and he continued before Yohji could (lie) protest. The hurt in his eyes shone through quite clearly, and he made no attempt to disguise it.

"I forced this on you, and thanks for trying to--you said we could go really party but, I wanted this and you didn't..."

I thought there was more to me than Ken the buddy, Ken the true-blue. But you knew better. And here you are. This is you, your real world and I'm not welcome. Not like Ran would be. No. He'd fit right in. I'm just the baby's breath to his scarlet rose.

"...if the two of you stopped fighting like a married couple and I dunno, fought or talked or bend him over a table for Christsakes, just do something but--"

Oh no. Backpedal! Crossed the line...said it out loud. Like it hasn't been floating around up here for MONTHS now...will he throw a punch?

"--shit, I'm sorry...but I'm not, you're driving us all crazy and you need..." His explosive babble slowed down a bit, "...to bring him here and...show him this side you, if this is really you, and... maybe you wouldn't piss each other off so much, and we could eat breakfast in peace... and your last words to him wouldn't be...um. I'll be back."

With that he got up, intending to make his way to the men's room.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

or bend him over a table for Christsakes

Yohji sputtered and nearly choked on his newly refilled drink.

What? what?

Ken's words were jumbled and sharp and coming out of nowhere.

Except Ken wasn't the kind of guy who said things out of nowhere. He was straight-forward and down-to-earth and didn't say things he didn't mean. Which meant there had to be something to cause him to say the unfathomable things that were spouting out of his mouth.

But, what?

Yohji managed to regain his composure enough to meet Ken's eyes and then that was another blow all over again. The hurt. Why was Ken hurt? Yohji had thought he was boring Ken, dissapointing him more than likely, but he wasn't prepared for upset. What the hell had he said?

It seemed to be about Aya. Yohji had barely mentioned Aya and it was in response to Ken's own comment. Where the fuck was all this comming from?

Yohji's confusion was interrupted by the realization that Ken was about to *leave.* Oh Hell no. He was not going to let Ken throw him for a loop like this and then simply walk away. He stood up quickly, smashing his knee against the corner of the table in the process, but managing to close his hand around Ken's arm.

"What.... Ken. What the fuck are you talking about?"

The danger of losing Ken now disminished, his mind had a chance to slow down and play back Ken's words. They stung. The last time words had cut that deep they came from behind a visor and contained the phrase I love Masafumi.

I wanted this and you didn't...

Yohji took a deep breath and stared at Ken. His voice was low, people were staring.... "Ken. I was really glad you wanted to come out with me tonight. If I was acting weird it's because I really don't understand why you wanted to come with me, not when you could have done something with Omi or Aya Chan. But I really wanted you here. Except I don't think I'm any good at this, and I don't know how to act, not when you seem to have all these expectations. But beyond that I haven't a clue what you're fucking going on about."

"Maybe we should go outside...." he didn't let go of Ken's wrist.

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Yohji had a snake grip, fast and surprisingly strong; Ken had a choice.

He could joke this off, give a breezy apology (hey, sorry, had a rough day, want another round?), twist out of the grip and scramble back behind his walls.

He could rip Yohji’s fingers off and bluster about this whole thing being a waste of time, call a cab, and never bring it up again.

He could go home and let the nightmares about Farfarello plague him again. The wounds were freshly opened. He might get sleep sometime in the next three months. Possibly.

Or he could put aside his legendary stubborn pride and admit that he needed help.

Despite his reflexive need to stand on his own two feet, to always pull his weight and do his part, Ken was a man who inherently needed to believe in something. Regardless of whether it was a team, a cause, or even humanity as a whole, he could not stop himself from putting his trust in other entities.

And if preventing himself from falling apart meant believing in Yohji, then that was what he’d do.

Ken had to force himself to swallow. A deep inhalation, a slow exhale, and he nodded his agreement. He was going to have to be very, very careful with his words. If he couldn’t get his message across, it would mean the end of everything. Yohji might shun him, turn the rest of the team against him, or become convinced that he was unstable and have their bosses put him away…or take him out.

You’re paranoid, Hidaka.
That doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
………………
I sound like Ay—Ran.

“…can we talk in the car?” Asked so softly it barely carried across the music.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji nodded but still didn't release his grip on Ken. While he trusted Ken, he didn't quite trust Ken's emotions, and he didn't want this to turn into a chase (because it would if necessary, the things Ken said would inevitably drive Yohji mad if they didn't talk about this.)

He glanced around a little nervously, but the people who'd been staring seemed to already have lost interest and gone back to their own alcohol veiled worlds.

He let his hold ease up a little as they worked their way out of the room. It probably looked strange--two grown men practically holding hands--but Yohji didn't really care. In fact, his capacity for expending energy on what people cared pretty much ended with his clothes. If they didn't like him he would tell them to go....well. No need dwelling on that.

For a moment the notion of locking the car doors crossed Yohji's mind, and made him feel guilty. He wasn't doing a very good job of earning Ken's explaination. He pulled out a cigarette as a nervous habit, then realized that that was a terrible idea for a conversation in a closed car and set it down again. Not knowing what else to do with himself, he drapped his arm around Ken shoulders; it was his instinct when people were upset, and Ken was definitely upset. Nevermind that Yohji was a little upset as well.

"Okay, I hope I don't seem like a complete idiot when I say that the things you said in there went straight over my head. Explain?"

[plotbunny-tiff.livejournal.com]

It took Ken a minute or two of silence to turn emotion into language. Where should he even begin? This whole thing was a crusted-over knotted jumble that even the sharpest blade couldn’t cut. But how did that saying go? In for a penny…

So he sunk back into his chair, closed his eyes, and turned off most of the stimuli around him until there was nothing but the stretch of his lungs expanding and detracting, the give of the seat beneath his legs, and the reassuring weight across his shoulders.

“It was supposed to be a happy ending. She—Aya-chan—woke up. We saved her. You remember the tower and…” He gestured vaguely. “I…I wish I smoked…” It took another slow breath before he could continue.

“Farfarello almost killed me. He was going to kill me. I’ve dealt with death, we’ve all been to that edge but this was, this was madness. It was terrifying. He looked me in the eye and I freaked out. It wasn’t the window into a soul. It was a door to Hell and he was going to take me there, and I couldn’t fight back well enough—he couldn’t feel…and I couldn’t scream. Helpless. I was going to die there helpless and broken and alone—I still have nightmares that wake me up in a cold sweat and…”

His stomach clenched, and he bit back the urge to vomit as the scene replayed itself behind his eyelids. But the dam had a leak, and everything was leaking, whether he wanted it or not.

[plotbunny-tiff.livejournal.com]

“But then Omi showed up out of nowhere and saved my ass…it was different though. He looked like an angel of justice or something…he dragged me out and I could have kissed him…I wanted to.” Shallow breath, hitch, in…and out.

“It was suppose to be a happy ending, Yohji.” He repeated himself. “We tried so hard…and after all that shit we went through, we’re supposed to be happy. Ran got his sister back. We survived. But fuck, Yohji, there are days when things are worse than when they started. Ran can’t see the forest for the trees. He can’t be the guardian if the thing he’s protecting is growing wings of her own. And he didn’t forget how to live…he never got a chance to fucking LEARN.” His rambling was beginning to froth and churn, fingers clenched and unclenched, yearning for the familiar shield of leather and metal.

“Same with Omi. I hate it sometimes, I hate how he’s never going to get a chance to be normal, never be able to do the things guys his age do without having a running program in his head of safety precautions or looking over his shoulders for the enemy around the corner. On the other hand I’m glad of it, because…Weiss…keeps us together and it’s a vile thing to think about your best friend, someone you care about, I hate it—“ He punched his fist into his own leg; it helped him calm down a little bit.

“You…you seemed to be alright, or at least you do a good job of seeming that way to the rest of us…but ever since Aya-chan moved in, it’s like she’s a reminder of just how fucked up we are. Ran focuses on her, he’s too intent, too intense, and he’s not bothering with you. Not like he used to, you used to snap at each other but it was just, y’know, your thing, no real bite behind it, just bark. But now he’s got her and you…I saw you wilt once when he ignored you to go hover over her. And you try harder to get him to look at you, so you fight with him, and he does see you, man, he does, but he’ll catch himself and either yell at you or shadow her and Omi plays mother hen, and Aya-chan…”

He opened his eyes but stared straight ahead at the windshield; he seemed to deflate a little.

“…it’s not her fault, she’s just caught in the middle. She’s a symbol of the good stuff, the things you kill for to keep safe and innocent…she could have been any one of my kids…I…I’m in the background, good ol’ Ken, count on him never causes problems, everyone has problems.”

A bitter smirk crossed his face. “I’m falling apart, I can’t talk about it, what the hell am I going to whine about, nightmares? Boo hoo…I was fine until today, the son of a bitch just showed up out of nowhere. I didn’t have my weapon, Yohji. He could have…I was helpless all over again. All I could think of was back then. I lost it. I tried to splatter his brains on the supermarket floor. My attack failed…”

He started rubbing Ken’s back, occasionally running his fingers through his hair, gently saying, "I know, I know it's hard. We've all been through a lot. Just let it all out; let aaaaaall that poison out."

He could taste whiskey in the back of his throat.

“We were going to go out. I wanted to be somebody other than Hidaka Ken, just for a night…so I escape. And you were there, Mr. Friday Night…it was selfish. But then you were so different, and I realized I never saw you, and I wanted to check it out, see who you were when…who you were when we were looking the other way. But it seems like the person who needs to see it is Ran, it might hold his attention and you act like that’s what you really want. But I…I forced my way into seeing it, but I’m not good enough, and I didn’t want…I didn’t want you to save me, I just wanted to be good enough. I’m just me, and I don’t want to be right now…and I can’t fix it. I can’t fix anyone.”

With that last statement he pressed his palms against his eyes and waited for the fallout.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji didn't think he'd ever heard Ken say this much before; at least not about anything important. And that was sad, because it only drove home what Ken was saying. For four people who *lived* together, they spent a horrendous amount of time not saying anything important.

It's funny how he had always assumed Ken was more or less okay, because Ken's temper caused him to deal with stuff. Yohji used to envy his straight-forwardness. How many times did it seem like a problem might have gone away if he could have just yelled out what he was thinking, or punched somebody? But he’d spent too long carefully building the personality that he’d chosen to present to the world for that. That kind of release could shatter it, and he wasn’t sure what would be left. Ken had mentioned showing Aya “the real you,” but Yohji honestly wasn’t sure who that was anymore.

He felt an odd sensation creeping up his stomach. Tightening; like he was being encircled by a boa constrictor.

Did he really pay that much attention to Aya? Ken’s words were ringing true. Shit, he hadn’t even noticed that so many of his thoughts were tied up by the man. Why? Why did it bother him so much when Ran ignored him for his sister? That was a perfectly reasonable excuse for him to be ignored. Who *wouldn’t* focus on Aya Chan over him? It would be expected before you even took into consideration Ran and Aya’s past. He was jealous, and he hated himself for it.

“You’re…very perceptive.” Yohji’s voice sounded funny to him, he felt a little disjointed from himself.

He’d somehow managed to ignore just how bad things were getting.

“I….shit. I didn’t even notice I was doing that, Ken,” he turned to look at Ken and saw that he was covering his eyes. It caused him to frown, he didn’t like the way Ken seemed to be bracing himself for Yohji to lash out, “Hey, what are you doing?” He reached over with his free hand and gently pulled one of Ken’s hands away.

“I forget sometimes that you and Omi are paying attention. I don’t really think that I’m affecting anyone when I act…I mean when I pick fights like that. But….” He paused for a minute, it was hard enough to admit it to himself, he couldn’t believe he was saying this out loud, “but, you’re dead on.”

He stared out the window for a minute, contemplating if he really wanted to cement what a horrible person he was by saying what he was thinking. But Ken had opened up and Yohji owed him to return the favor.

“If she weren’t Aya’s sister I think I would think the world of her. But I just can’t get past the way Aya acts now. I resent her and it’s not her fault and she doesn’t deserve it. I hate that. I find myself wishing she’d not woken up. No, that’s not really true. But I wish he’d sent her away somewhere safe, instead of trying to shelter her in front of us.”

He sighed. Some night out this was becoming. What had become of their agreement to “not be themselves”?

Okay, time to redirect the angst. This was about Ken. Yohji’s Aya-problems were just a side note. The real issue was that Ken seemed to be falling apart.

“We all have nightmares you know. It’s okay to talk about them. It’s not whining. And…”

Good enough? The fact that Ken seemed to care what he thought about him floored him. Moreso, it confused him. “What makes you think you’re not good enough?” he asked, “I’m a really lousy judge of character. I don’t understand why you’d even care what I think.”

“But I definitely don’t think you’re not good enough,” he added after a pause.

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

“But I definitely don’t think you’re not good enough.”

The air left his lungs in an audible whoosh. He hadn’t realized that he’d been holding it.

“You’re somebody who’s good with secrets,” he stated after a few deep breaths. “Because you’ve seen and done so much…I was hoping you wouldn’t judge me harshly. Ran’s involved in his own world. He might care a little bit but…” Ken shrugged heavily. “Omi cares too much…and he does so much already. The last thing I want to do is hurt him more.”

Ken turned his head towards Yohji. “Much as I hate to admit it, I’m losing it. But who do I turn to? The only person who knows me…y’know…*knows* me…freaks out if our other profession is even whispered about. Aya-chan might be near. I can’t get a release. I look at you, and you smooth everything over so well, and other than being tied up in Ran…no offense…”

As if realizing he was babbling again, he paused, collected himself.

“We’re both fucked up, Yohji. But right now…I need someone to be fucked up with. I need you.” He wouldn’t beg, and this still felt too close to whining for him, but for now pride could shut the hell up.

“Can’t do it at home. Can’t talk to Omi because…” A harsh swallow, “he’s part of the problem. I’m getting really tied up in him…like I was with Kase back in the day.”

There. The words which were lead heavy in his gut and buried in his brain now floated in the air, hanging over his head. It felt strangely, painfully *good*, like the burn after a workout.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

"If there is one thing I can accommodate, it's being fucked up" Yohji almost laughed.

He let his arm slide down a bit so that it wasn't so much draping across Ken's shoulders as holding them.

"You say that I smooth things over well…but…. I don't. You have no idea how much I don't." He sighed, and tapped the unlit cigarette against the car door. "That fight. When I killed Neu… that had nothing to do with the mission. It wouldn't have mattered if she were in Schrient or not. It was strictly personal. I completely lost touch with reality when we were fighting."

He exhaled slowly, and turned to face Ken. "All this time I've been telling myself it's just a job. But in that moment, I was out for blood. I didn't just want her dead, Ken, I wanted to destroy her. It scared the shit out of me. I went on such a bad bender after that, you have no idea."

"I don't actually handle this shit any better than the rest of you, I think I'm just better at not showing it. But I also think you care more than I do. I used to think my life was fucking perfect, if you can believe that. Then I lost everything and…well. I just never felt like any one person could be lucky enough to find that kind of happiness twice in one lifetime. I didn’t expect things to ever get better. I’ve never expected to live very long since this started, you know, it’s like I’ve just been riding things out and waiting to die.”

He fell silent for a moment, he’d barely been able to admit that last bit even to himself. "I…don't know. Maybe you should try telling me about Kase."

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Ken suddenly wished he had a floral arraignment in front of him, or that they were walking. He fought the urge to squirm, but the desire to distract himself was almost like a physical itch on his skin.

He’d spent a short amount of time in therapy. Not of his own free will; it was forced on him while he was still recovering from the fire. As much as he loathed the whole thing, there was one seed of wisdom he thought could help him now.

He placed his hands on his knees, stared straight ahead, and spoke just loudly enough to be heard without straining.

“Hidaka-kun,” he began, as though recounting the tragic tale of another person, “picked up a very bad habit when he hit his second year in middle school. He broke the number one guy rule. You don’t look at other guys in the gym showers. But he couldn’t help himself, and try as he might his eyes would slide over and get stuck there. He managed not to get caught for a long time, until a transfer kid named Kase came in from Kyoto. Kase-kun not only noticed that Hidaka-kun was checking out the other guys in the showers, but took it upon himself to corner him after class and give him a solid punch in the gut. For being a pervert.” The ghost of a smirk wafted across Ken’s expression.

“They didn’t speak to each other for almost four months after that. Spring came, and with it the sport team recruiting. To Hidaka-kun’s horror, Kyoto Kase decided he wanted to join the soccer team. Back in his hometown, Kase-kun was considered a top-notch player. And all he had to do to make it to the team was score a minimum five out of ten goals past Hidaka-kun. He made it, but just barely. The eighth try landed just at the borderline, but the captain was so impressed with the new guy that he let it slide. It pissed both of them off.”

“It’s not fair.”
“I agree. I made that goal fair and square.”
“Yeah…wait, no you didn’t! I stopped it; it was on the line!”
“It was *over* the line, asshole. So busy staring that your eyes went bad?”
“Might as well, since your mother doesn’t really do it for me anymore…”

“After a brief and violent fight, it was strongly recommended by the principal that they put their animosity toward a more productive end. That’s when Hidaka-kun and Kase-kun started having one-on-one matches. It did help; the extra practice made them both a force to be reckoned with on the field. And the day came when they both pretended they forgot what started the fight to begin with, and it was just a shared competitive nature that drove them and bonded them together. They never talked about the showers.”

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

“Heard it from Morikawa, solid truth. She goes there every other Sunday, sneaks into the men’s room, and, y’know…”
“…no. I don’t.”
“…………”
“What? What does she do?”
“Ken, you are such a dumbass sometimes.”

“That’s when the whispers of J-league started. They both worked harder than ever, and they even started hanging out after school, at his dad’s pachinko parlor. Everyone was so proud…the parties after winning games had almost everyone in the neighborhood. And when they made it, actually MADE The League…it was huge. We…they stole an armful of beer each and hid in the backroom surrounded by boxes. Hidaka-kun got drunk after two beers and told Kase-kun he loved him.”

“…shut up Hidaka.”
“Mean it. I love you. Love. You.”
“Yeah sure. Love you too. Don’t puke on me.”
“…fuck! Kase, you’re such a dumbass sometimes.”
“Woah, did you just say fu--!”

“Hidaka-kun kissed him…because he had fallen in love with him. He didn’t mean to, and he’d tried to hard to make it go away, but it wouldn’t.”

[The boxes they were sitting against toppled over, but he could barely feel the scattered pachinko balls caught beneath his knees. Kase had a fistful of his hair and was sucking his tongue between his teeth and if he couldn’t touch him soon he would die]

“His whole simple little world ran around soccer and Kase-kun.”

[He couldn’t undo the belt, his hands were shaking too badly and everything was spinning]

“Hidaka-kun gave his first blow-job that night. That’s all that happened. Kase-kun ran out of storage and pucked when it was over. Hidaka-kun curled up in a corner and passed out. They never spoke of that night. It was…they just didn’t. It was the rule. But somehow…somehow they were still friends. Even when they started becoming successful in J-League, and Hidaka-kun became ‘*the* Hidaka Ken’ Kase-kun was always there…a true blue friend.” The last part was said with such bitterness and guilt that Ken almost chocked on it.

“You know what happened next. Assignments were given…and completed. That’s all there is to it.”

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Um, wow. The phrase “too much information” sprang to mind, except that Yohji was hardly the kind of guy that that sort of thing bothered. In fact, he usually thrived on too much information. Besides, he had asked. It worried him a little, the detached tone Ken took in recounting his past. It was like…he had to tell *everything* or not bother at all. It smacked of emotional scaring.

Yohji Kudoh specialized in emotional scaring.

“That’s never ‘all there is to it’ Ken,” Yohji said carefully, “assignments…well. The assignments are downright cruel. Omi can tell you that, as well as I can. There is no regard for our personal lives as far as Kritiker is concerned.”

He peered at Ken, who was still staring ahead, completely devoid of emotion. It made him want to shake him, to remind him that he was Ken and Ken was an upbeat, cheerful guy. When Yohji crawled home from the bars at 3 am, in a depressed drunken stupor, he counted on Ken being the one to remember to leave a light on for him, or some coffee in a thermos, or….some sort of affirmation that his presence was missed and that he had a reason to crawl back at all. He’d thought he knew Ken, but this was not the Ken he thought he knew.

“Let me tell you something about missions,” Yohji started, “I mentioned the mission with Schrient. With Neu.” Her name came out sounding kind of funny. He failed completely at adopting the detached tone Ken had used. “Before…well, you know, before…. Back when I thought everything was bleeding perfect….. Well. Aside from having the perfect job, I had the perfect partner. And we kind of dated, but kind of didn’t. You know, working together and all, we tried to keep things somewhat professional. But there was something *there* and it underwrote everything.”

He vaguely noticed that the unlit cigarette that he had previously been fiddling with was now quickly being reduced to a pile of brown powder. He hadn’t even registered crushing it.

“So I proposed. It never even occurred to me that she’d turn me down. I thought she was my fucking soul mate. Can you believe what an idealistic twit I was?” Yohji turned to Ken, anticipating some sort of acknowledgment of yes, you really were an idiot, weren’t you?

“I couldn’t believe it when she said she’d have to think about it. I expected her to cry or something. I thought she’d get all excited and starry-eyed like girls do on TV. But she didn’t, she just kind of smiled and said she’d ‘think about it’.”

“She was still ‘thinking about it’ when I watched her get gunned down in front of my eyes.” A moment of silence, respect for the dead?

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

“That was really fucking awful, Ken, but I could deal with it. I told myself she was in a better place. If she was really my soul mate then I’d find her in another life or some kind of bullshit like that. I didn’t expect her to come back from the dead. But she did. Schrient showed up and there she was. Asuka was there and she was alive, but she wasn’t Asuka. It was like someone had erased her *soul.* How do I reconcile that? Her entire essence had vanished. She wasn’t in a better place because she was still here. But everything that mattered was gone. In one day everything that had kept me going was destroyed and I realized that there really isn’t a point in protecting the innocent if people are just a bunch of fucking blank slates walking around, waiting to be programmed. My loss was permanent, and apparently meaningless. When I realized that, well. I hated Neu for everything she represented. The mission completely vanished, and I just wanted her dead, so I could go back to how I’d imagined things to be.”

He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes for a moment. He felt like a complete idiot for using words like soul mate. What was he, a sixteen year old girl? But that had been another life time ago, and he’d been a completely different person. A damn fool his mind interjected.

“People change. A fucking lot. It sucks, but the people we’re assigned to kill on missions are targets for a reason.”

He turned back to Ken and regarded him seriously.

“If you’re in love with Omi then I think you should tell him what you just told me. Omi is not like Kase. Remember that he had to Kill his own family. He understands the cruelty of our assignments even better than I do.”

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

“I thought she was my fucking soul mate. Can you believe what an idealistic twit I was?”

It pierced through the cloud of misery fogging Ken’s brain enough to make him turn to Yohji with a half-horrified expression.

Idealistic twit? You were in *love*…hell, I guess I’m an idealistic twit too, for still believing…and I don’t want to stop.

That was just it. He really wanted to try again. With all the drama and unhappiness in his life, he desperately needed to let go of a lot of old baggage before it dragged him into depths he wouldn’t be able to get out of. And from the way Yohji was talking, he was being drowned by heavy ghosts of the past as well.

“If you’re in love with Omi then I think you should tell him what you just told me. Omi is not like Kase. Remember that he had to kill his own family. He understands the cruelty of our assignments even better than I do.”

Omi isn’t Kase. I know that. But I don’t want to turn him into another Kase. I know he’s not some blushing innocent, but in a way he is, and I would be a pervert if…

[The sucker punch hadn’t hurt as much as surprised him; he doubled over and landed on his knees in the grass.

“I oughta beat your face in, you sick freak. Those are your kohai…” The disgust in Kase’s voice was a perfect match for the kick he leveled at Ken’s ribs, knocking him over completely. “I catch you looking at any of the guys like that again, pervert, you’re dead.]

“Nmph. I know. I can’t bring myself to do it yet. He knows most of the story already. I just left out a few things…being in love…the sex. Right now he’s the only person in the world who knows I even look at guys that way sometimes. Other than you, now.” Ken nibbled on the edge of his thumbnail for a moment before turning back to Yohji, a faint glow of his old fire coming to life in his eyes.

“We’re both sorry sacks of shit, and who would want that? Ne, you say people change. We can change for the better, if we work at it.” A real smile, small, fragile, and warm, appeared on his face. He looked Yohji in the eye, all hopeful eagerness and growing enthusiasm.

“We can prune away the parts that are dead so new things can grow. And we don’t have to be alone; I’ll be there to kick your sorry ass if you need me, if you return the favor. Yeah, if I have to talk to Omi, then you’re gonna have to deal with Ran.” He threaded his hand in Yohji’s hair for the softest of ruffles. “You need a bit of work, but we might be able to pull something off.” A feeble joke, but a small improvement.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji registered the brief look of horror on Ken's face as he talked. Fuck, was he really sounding that pathetic? No, he needed to stop the self pity fest. He was trying to cheer Ken up, remember? He sure had a backwards way of doing that....

"I think the part about you being in love with Kase was a pretty significant thing to leave out. You should definitely tell him about that. Maybe not right away, but..."

Maybe not right away could mean never for an assassin. Any of them could die at any time. So much potential for regrets....

"Well. I think it's something Omi should hear."

He noticed Ken's expression had changed again, it was closer to the Ken he was used to, yet slightly different. The regular Ken didn't look that hopeful. Now where the hell had *that* come from? It couldn't possibly have anything to do with him, Yohji, a guy who only had one setting, and that was 'cynical.' Hadn't he just told Ken that he'd lost his faith in the very existence of souls?

Yeah, if I have to talk to Omi, then you’re gonna have to deal with Ran.

Hey, wait. Hold the train! When did his problem with Aya become comparable to Ken and Omi? Ken had compared his situation with Omi to Kase. Ken loved Kase. Deduction: Ken loved Omi. How could that....no, that wasn't anything like him and Ran at all.

He had been thinking about Ran an *awful* lot.

Yohji bit back a surge of panic. No. Ken was making assumptions. At most he was infactuated. Yeah, infactuated was a good place to start. A person could get over being infactuated.....

He coughed in an attempt to calm his sudden nervousness. "Um. Ken. I...don't think there is anything for me to 'deal' with Ran. I'm not even sure what it is you think I need to deal with...but... well. Ran's world is only big enough for him and his sister, and I'm only going to piss him off if I start unloading sob stories on him. Omi cares. Even if his feelings are completely different than yours, he cares and he'll want to be there for you. I think we need to leave me an Ran out of this."

He sighed and leaned backwards, suddenly noticing the hand that had appeared in his hair. Wow, had Ken ever pulled a one eighty on him there....

"I don't think I have very much left to salvage. But you make a tempting offer."

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

{OOC: alright! Quickie surprise post! Sorry about the wait and length, but I've only a few minuted before a massive load of PEOPLE invade this very public spot in my living room and my roomie decides he need to chat on his forums RIGHT NOW. Gods I miss my compy! ::cries::}

"Better to fix what you can instead of throwing the whole thing away," Ken replied, practical as always. The flowing stream of denial from Yohji had sort of washed in one ear and out the other. Not that he wasn't listening; it simply got overwhelmed in the wake of His Great Idea.

Another idea floated lazily by: Did Yohji grow his hair long just so people would play with it? It wouldn't surprise Ken in the least if he did. But where usually that idea would be followed with exasperated mental grumbling, now...now Ken was genuinely amused.

"Do you want to go home, or should we knock back a few more?" Ken asked, at long last looking (and sounding) like a contented version of his old self, except a lot less forced and hollow.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

((OOC: heeey. I’m leaving for Italy on Thursday, and won’t be back until the 24th. Tiff, we might be able to get maybe one more post in but then I’ll be MIA for a while, which is good timing considering your computer situation…..))

Yohji found himself caught in a rather precarious battle between his instinct and common sense.

His instinct, of course, wanted another drink. It also told him to take copious advantage of the lingering hand in his hair, which was becoming less of a gesture he could write off as friendly, and more of a brazen act of flirting. His common sense on the other hand, was fairly disturbed at the fact that that was Ken’s hand lingering in his hair, and that to resume drinking would probably be a very, very bad judgment call. Yohji wasn’t used to worrying about whether a call was in bad judgment or not. Most were, and he rarely gave a damn.

This had the potential to get very messy, very fast.

It was also very inviting.

Shit.

Yohji felt almost dizzy from the overload of information. Ken and Omi. Ran. Lots of different feelings and they were all mixed up and hard to identify.

He brought his hand up and closed it around the one caught in his hair.

“I feel like I probably need another drink after all this…” he searched for a word to adequately describe what “this” was and failed, “but I don’t think that it’s necessarily a very good idea.”

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Ken mulled for half a second over ice globes, tiny tables, and the public at large before deciding that a beer at home might be worth two at the bar.

Two at the bar...his little smile turned into a grin. That was sort of witty; sadly, it meant he was pretty much completely sober.

"That's fine," he replied, taking note of the hand wrapped around his. While his brain slowed down to process this new information, his mouth continued to function on auto-pilot. It was a trait that often got him in large spots of trouble.

"Got time for just one beer when we get home? It's still early yet." And even after all this, I don't think I'll be able to sleep.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Yohji wondered at the fact that their hands were still joined. He'd initially reached up to stop Ken playing with his hair, but somehow his hand had remained there after stilling Ken's. And now Ken had neglected to take his hand back....

Yohji could definitely see the direction things were going. It was a position he was usually glad to find himself in, always grateful for human contact, and even more so to actually feel needed. Ken was offering him a rare opportunity. And if he acquiesced to Ken's encouragement to continue to drink...well. Yohji seriously doubted he'd have the self control to keep things...professional.

....but. There were so many buts. It made Yohji almost nauseous to think of all the potential complications. He hated complications. There was a reason he'd only had emotion-void casual flings since losing Asuka. Getting involved with a coworker was definitely complicated. When your coworker is an assassin.... Well. Make that complicated to the tenth power.

What were the potential outcomes...?

Things could go badly. They'd just confessed their feelings for other people, hadn't they? And Ken had been jealous, just imagining that Yohji was thinking about Aya. If he could hurt Ken so easily in a situation like that, it was almost inevitable that he'd hurt Ken again, and worse if they became 'involved.'

And if things went well? Ken might die on a mission. Yohji didn't think he could survive that kind of loss twice.

But there was also the small possibility that Ken could be good for him. He might actually banish that abysmal loneliness that was eating him alive.

But what about Aya?

Aya cared about his sister. Even if Yohji managed to gain some sort of foothold of importance to Aya, he'd never hold a candle to Aya Chan.

But what if.... No. Yohji wasn't going to let himself indulge in that dangerous line of thinking. There was no usurping Aya Chan. Period.

There were too many ifs and buts, and it had been too long since Yohji had cared enough to weigh the consequences.

"Ken...." he began, not yet decided what he was actually going to say, and still somewhat reluctant to let go of Ken's hand..... "There's a line that we've been steadily encroaching. And if I have another drink, chances are that not only am I going to cross it but I'll probably break it into a million irreparable pieces. After everything you've just told me about Omi...is that really what you want?"

He looked at Ken worriedly, hating to be the one to over think their situation.

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

He's still holding my hand. Ken stared at it, and after a breath or two he looked back at Yohji. There was so much going on there, and a lot of it was stuff Ken didn't think he could begin to understand. So he turned back to himself, waded through things there, and then spoke.

"I want *this*. I want to be able to do this," he squeezed Yohji's hand, "and have a quiet chat, or a loud laugh, and share a hurt or a triumph or a fear without holding back. I want to be able to flirt and have it be friendly. I love Omi. One day soon I'll be able to tell him and just maybe have him say the same. I want to see you happy with Ran."

He leaned in close, pulling Yohji forward until their noses almost touched.

"This isn't about sex. If I just wanted some tension relief I could've...gone somewhere else...but I don't want that. It's not about getting a fuck, but knowing that there's someone out there who gives a fuck about me...get it?" He asked, hoping desperatly that Yohji would understand.

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

As Ken drew in closer, Yohji noticed a tightening in his chest that he hadn't felt in....years probably. It was so distant a feeling that he was no longer sure exactly what it meant, or how to react. Squeezing Ken's hand back seemed like a decent place to start.

"There aren't many things that I feel capable of promising right now..." he said quietly, "but one of the few things I can promise is that I will always give more than just a 'fuck' about you." He pulled back a fraction to get a better view of Ken's eyes. "I don't want you to ever feel you can't come to me and be yourself."

Yohji stopped to mull over the things he had said, and almost rolled his eyes at himself. He hadn't thought it was possible for him to sound that cheesey. The fumes from the car had to be melting his brain.

He leaned forward again and smiled. "I think its high time we got home and out of this car. And a beer probably wouldn't hurt either."

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Ken's mouth quirked into a sideways grin. He got it. He really got it! A knot in his back popped; a delicious coolness flooded his whole body as a feeling of relief washed over him from head to toe. If he'd realised that doing this would've gained him some peace of mind he'd have done it ages ago.

"Mmm...beer. All angst and no beer makes Ken a dull boy," he quipped, knowing full well how lame it was and not caring one bit. "Tch. These seats are comfortable and everything, but I think if I don't stretch a little my lower half is going to go numb."

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

"Well," Yohji said, sliding easily back into banter mode, "that would certainly be an unfortunate turn of events, wouldn't it?"

He pulled out the keys and started the car, wondering if anyone would be home when they got there. He hoped not. Aya or Omi's presence would make him start second guessing himself again, thinking about missions and team dynamics. He needed a little more time to process this new bond he'd formed with Ken before he could even start to deal with the bigger picture.

He didn't even realize how fast he drove, suddenly anxious to get the hell out of the car.

Upon finally arriving, he wordlessly jumped out, opened Ken's door, and offered his hand, smiling.

[plotbunnytiff.livejournal.com]

Ken was actually glad to be home. The familiar sights and sounds of the Koneko were something he looked forward to immersing himself in, instead of something to flee from with everything he had.

And to think, only a few hours ago he was relishing the thought of escape.

During the ride home, he looked down at himself. When he'd gotten dressed that night, he made something of an effort to look a bit more presentable than he normally would. It was a quick coat of paint on a lemon car. And now...now he was about to make a big change for the better, so perhaps the makeover wasn't in vain. Ken decided then and there that the green shirt he wore was now his Lucky Shirt.

Before he knew it, Yohji was standing with his door open, smiling down at him and offering a hand. Ken quirked an eyebrow at him and bounced out of the car under his own power. He wasn't a girl or anything like that.

But once he got out, he took Yohji's hand anyway, fighting hard to keep from flushing and grinning like a moron. It was a battle just barely won.

[Moving into Sunday 1.20]

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

[reply in Sunday 1.20]