Sunday 1.15: Solitude redux

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran, back in his room, slammed his fist down on his dresser. The picture he had, in a simple wood frame, wobbled and fell to the carpet. The quiet response to his actions just served to mimic his frustration, burning anger unable to manifest.

How dare they touch his sister again. How dare they bother them. How dare they speak to her and suggest things she was better off never knowing.

How dare Yohji, for acting like this involved him. For pretending he cared, for acting like his interest was deserved.

The thought came and went - How dare Aya, Ran, whoever he was...how dare he forget that it was not he alone who had saved her... - and made Ran's fingers curl under to press deep into the palms of his hands.

He wanted to flee this life. He wanted to start things over, he wanted the life he could have had, she could have had back.

Everything was a farce. It even felt ridiculous to eat these days, normal things like pancakes, or to drink tea. It felt ridiculous to sleep.

He didn't understand how Yohji could do it, to mingle with the rest of them like he belonged, like he wasn't something else. Like he wasn't like Ran.

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

He wanted to grab his mission gear and go back to the store, but he knew the other team would be long gone and if they weren't, the precog would have seen him coming.

Why would Kritiker not eliminate them?!

Perhaps because they couldn't.

Ran slammed his hand down on his dresser one more time, then left his room to go to the roof. He needed to meditate, and breath in outside air, even if it was never fresh.

Comments

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan raised her hand to knock on the door to Ran's room, but as she brushed against it, the door opened on its own. She peered cautiously inside to find that there was nobody inside. The bathroom door down the hall was wide open, and she'd have noticed passing him in the halls while coming up the stairs. The only other places he could possibly be would be the basement or the roof.

She decided to check the roof first, since she vaguely remembered hearing footsteps going up a little while ago. And sure enough, she found him there.

Aya-Chan hesitated for a moment, staring at Ran whose back was turned to her. Perhaps this was a bad time... after all, hadn't Yohji said that Ran had been affected the most by the day's events? The talk could wait a few hours; it looked as though Ran needed the time to himself right now.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran had his eyes closed, hands folded on his lap as he kneeled three feet from the edge of the roof. He felt the slight brush of air from the door before it clicked shut.

Not Yohji again.

He kept his eyes shut, hoping whatever teammate was suicidal that afternoon would rethink their actions and leave him be.

[7bladed.livejournal.com]

Aya-Chan stared for a moment at Ran's back before turning for the door again. She hadn't noticed at all that he knew of her presence, and she didn't want to disturb him. There was still time, neither of them was going anywhere.

[Aya-Chan exits]

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

(sorry 'bout the icon, it's that or she-ran until I get my payments in...)

A whiff of a scent familiar and yet not like his teammates came to him with the closing of the door, and he opened his eyes. The grey roofs and grimy walls of the nearby buildings entered his sight.

Had that been Aya-chan?

It was too late now. He was sure she would have spoken had it been important.

Is this who you've become?

Too self-absorbed to even trouble himself with going after his sister. But he wasn't sure he could deal with her questions. Not as Ran.

She deserved more than the response he would be able to give her. He'd answer her questions, he'd have to. But he couldn't right now. He'd only be able to respond as Aya, harsh and distant and composed. She deserved more than that.

A gust of wind through dust towards his face, and he contented himself with pretending it accounted for the moisture on his cheek.

[pichi.livejournal.com]

Omi remained silent as he first saw Ran on the rooftop, unsure how exactly he should approach him about this issue. Right. Think time. What's the battle plan?

First and foremost: do not, under any circumstances, call it a date.

Secondly: take advantage of the potential for using word choice to tell the truth in the most inoffensive way possible.

Thirdly: don't look nervous.

...Gotta remember that one.

Omi finally stepped in closer and flashed an uncertain smile.

"May I have a minute?"

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

After Aya left (he was sure it had been her), Ran did not find the semblence of peace he had hoped to construct for himself. The sounds of the city seemed distant, and isolated in his mind he was left with only the echoes of his thoughts and a chill that permeated more than his skin.

It wasn't like him to dwell on things other than his purpose. It wasn't like him to lose his focus.

But he hadn't lost it, had he? It was simply that he had fulfilled his purpose.

And there was nothing left.

Not even Aya?

She doesn't need you.

She's safer without you.

But who would protect her, without him?

Maybe she wouldn't need protection, without him.

The wind was chill on his face, and he opened his eyes.

He was about to stand when a voice broke into his thoughts.

"...May I have a minute?"

He turned his head towards Omi. If it had been anyone else, he might have reacted differently. But Weiss's leader was usually too considerate to intrude on anything private without reason.

"Is it a mission?" He responded, head only half turned towards his younger teammate.

[pichi.livejournal.com]

Omi still couldn’t help ducking his head a bit as that beautiful set of eyes Ran owned turned on him, even halfway. Beautiful, but always a little...

A little like they had the power to see straight through him. Omi couldn’t help feeling that whenever Ran looked at him.

“Is it a mission?”

Eheh. A big bashful smile came to his face. “Ah... It’s not that...” Come on, spit it out. He’s probably wondering why you’ve wandered out here and invaded his solitude.

Smile fell away, and the seriousness that had driven Omi to him in the first place compelled him to explain.

“Aya-chan wants to go to the movies tonight... I agreed to go with her, in case anything happens but...” Omi’s gaze flickered to the ground. “I thought you should know where she’ll be... After what happened this morning...”

At about that moment, Omi had an epiphany, too late. How strange, wasn’t it? Aya knew where her brother was, had personally pointed him towards the roof.... And hadn’t told him, asked him herself? Hoshit. What if she really had meant it as a date? Omi suddenly couldn’t fathom why he was here about to invite Ran along when Aya herself hadn’t. Had she already asked him? That must be why she knew where he was. He’d said no, so she was asking him instead.

But why would Ran have said no?! That didn’t make any sense to him. Only explanation was--

Crap. That he hadn’t wanted her to leave the house. And Omi had just let himself get suckered into defying that. He continued meekly.

“I... Did you want to come along?”

Don’t look nervous. Remember that? Didn’t think so.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran went still.

"The movies?" He echoed, examining Omi's deceivingly cherubic face, large blue eyes earnest as he confessed to him.

Was that why she had come to the roof earlier? To ask if she could go out?

Not only brother. He had to be her parent as well.

And he kept forgetting.

He was so used to his solitude.

...but after this morning! Was she really so impetuous? So immature ? How could she think about going out again...right after...

Why not? The thought suddenly surfaced. Just because they had seen Schwartz once did not mean there was any more chance they would see them again today than on any other. If the other team truly wished to find them, or attack them, Ran was certain they would have. If that was truly their goal.

She would be with Omi. A capable assassin.

Ran had to admit that it was a better prospect than the alternatives. He wanted her to have a normal life, but he was not prepared for her to go out unchaperoned with her peers.

"I...did you want to come along?"

Ran finally refocused on Omi's face, now decidedly more worried than when he had begun.

Let her live her life.

But it was at night. Schwartz had come into contact with them already. Anything could happen, all scenarios bad.

But it wasn't Aya here asking him. Why hadn't she asked him?

Ran glanced away, out at the fading sky, then back to Omi. "Did...she ask you?"

[pichi.livejournal.com]

“The movies?”

Omi gave a small nod back, paying attention to Ran’s reactions. What could he gather from them. The man wasn’t giving much in the way of hints. He could be so difficult to read sometimes. Omi couldn’t even start to guess what he might be thinking.

He seemed a little upset to be asked along. Omi hoped he hadn’t said something bad.

If Aya had asked him and Ran had said no, then he’d just blown her cover in attempting to sneak out. But she hadn’t protested or shown any sign of nervousness when he’d told her he was going to let her brother know. That couldn’t be right. Then it was supposed to be a date? And she’d not told Ran because....

Omi suddenly felt a little sick inside. No, that couldn’t be right! She’d never... He couldn’t ever remember so much as a flirt from her! He had to be reading too much into that. But why didn’t she ask Ran? That question kept repeating itself in his mind, and for the life of him, he couldn’t come up with a solid answer.

"Did...she ask you?"

Omi fidgeted a little and looked at his feet, one of them shifting against the concrete. “Un. She did but... I don’t think that’s any excuse not to consider your feelings. And I can’t pretend I’m strong enough to fight Schwarz myself... I could have her wear a tracking device, but that won’t help for very long if they find it. They’re not on the same level of most targets.” It worked well enough in saving Sakura from that doctor, but tricks like that were likely useless against precogs and telepaths. That was a harsh reality to face.

“It’s strange though, isn’t it...” Omi sighed and squatted down, wanting to be closer to Ran’s eye level. “They forced an encounter this morning... And they didn’t seem to care about the presence of others, but all they did was verbally provoke.” His eyes narrowed halfway. “I wonder what they’re up to.”

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

It shook Ran out of his thoughts to hear Omi echo what had been on his mind. He didn't turn, keeping his legs folded beneath him, hands on his lap, but he did meet Omi's eyes. Amathyst to sapphire.

He expected nothing less than professionalism from Omi, but his maturity surprised him sometimes.

It surprised him that he wasn't the only one claiming responsibility for Aya's safety.

But Omi was right. One of Weiss against the other team would not even give them a fighting chance at escape.

"A tracking device would be good," he said finally. "We can't afford not to try. As for Schwarz...I've been wondering that as well.

"Omi," Ran examined his eyes carefully. "What happened this morning? What did they say?"

What does she know?

He would not tell Omi how little Aya had told him.

[pichi.livejournal.com]

Tracking device, check. Ran was right. Whether it worked or not, it was worth at least trying. Ran’s question sent him tumbling mentally backwards into the store. He took the question seriously, and never stopped to consider what Aya had and hadn’t told him. Ran had a right to know all he could remember. Omi closed his eyes to assist his recollections.

“We were in the frozen foods when I spotted Farfarello’s reflection in the glass door, eavesdropping from the endcap. We went to the opposite end, but he followed down the adjacent aisle and intercepted us at the corner. He was... immediately interested in Aya-chan.” Omi opened his eyes to frown at Ran.

“He acted happy to see her... like an old friend. He tried to shake hands with her. I was between them and added some distance, but he kept pressing attention on her. Said things like... how he’d spent so much time with her. Accused me of not letting her speak for herself when I told him to get back.”

Memory stole his attention, flashing to images of Farfarello’s arms reaching out, for her. Even under his arm. A solid reminder that there wasn’t much shielding he could offer Aya from him.

Focus. Finish explaining. Stop thinking about how stomach-turning it had been to watch that bastard try to touch her and make friendly.

“Ken-kun attacked him, and he pulled the same act on him.” That had rather sickened him, too. “That’s about when Schuldig showed up. By then I had the phone out and told her to call you while I guarded.”

“Except, he didn’t press the situation. Come to think of it... It was almost like Schuldig was the one that broke it up. Ken-kun backed off and tried to get us out of the store, and Farfarello was...” Omi made another face. Ugh. He couldn’t think it, let alone say it, without the mark of disgust.

“He told her to ask questions, like we’re her enemies, keeping her in the dark... He called her princess.” Omi couldn’t leave that out. It bothered him too much.

“You know, Aya-kun...” Omi looked distinctly uncomfortable, and adjusted his weight on the balls of his feet. “Farfarello has always seemed crazy, but I think, even considering all we’ve seen him do... This was the most disturbing I’ve ever seen him.”

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

How he'd spent time with her.

How that sadistic, insane man had spent time with her when Ran couldn't. His fingers curled and dug into his palms, but he couldn't feel the pain it brought.

They deserve to suffer and die for their sins. If the world was just, we would have the power to kill them.

But the world wasn't just. It was the reason Weiss existed.

Ran's eyes regained their focus as Omi fell silent. The use of his former name elicited more relief than anything else, and he didn't bother to correct him. He was Aya, ever since Yohji named him. He had thought Weiss would fall from him like a cloak when his sister came back to him, or that she would reclaim her identity, but he had realized with her return that he had never taken it from her to begin with. It was a new persona he had shaped for himself, and it had taken him over. There were two Ayas now.

"Perhaps they had no purpose," he finally said in a monotone. More than anything, that was why he despised them. Not all of their actions had meaning.

Something in Omi's last thought pushed at his mind.

"Perhaps the psychopath has gotten out of control," Aya suggested quietly.

[pichi.livejournal.com]

At first, Omi had faltered a few times in attempting to address Ran by his birth name, and accidentally called him 'Aya-kun.' That time hadn't been an accident, and he’d worried about it a little. He was glad that the man didn’t seem bothered by it. That solidified his belief that it was the right thing to do.

He had to concede that it was possible Schwarz had no purpose that morning other than to spook them. He wrinkled his eyebrows. “He’s always been out of control, I think. It just... It’s different now. In any case, I don’t think we should let our guard down, but if it really didn’t have a purpose... so much the better, isn’t it? I won’t complain if calling Aya-chan ‘princess’ is the worst they do to her.”

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

"It's what they've done." Ran hissed. He forced himself to unclench his stinging palms and grip the fabric of his jeans instead. "And we can never let our guard down. They deserve to die."

[pichi.livejournal.com]

Who did Aya think he was preaching to? His sister was still alive. Did he think Omi wanted them dead, thought they deserved death, any less than he did?

Omi shut his eyes; he was above saying such remarks aloud. "I know, but there's nothing we can do about the past, is there? All we can focus on is not letting them do anything else to her in the future."

Omi rose from his squat. It seemed to him this might be a good time to leave Aya in his solitude once more.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran bent his head for a moment, crimson hair falling forward. Then he pressed his hands on his knees and stood up.

"I'll come," he announced.

Omi was right. There was nothing about leaving the house again or sitting through the farce of a movie that he found remotely appealing, but he could not stay behind knowing that if something happened it was due to his own selfishness. Even if he knew Aya would prefer a night out that resembled normal.

Even though she had not asked him.

But Omi was an assassin, just like the rest of them, and like the rest of them he would never be afforded the peace of ignorance or a normal life. So whatever she may be thinking, Ran considered, it was a lie. The younger Weiss was not, in Ran's eyes, her peer.

A thought struck him suddenly, and he fixed his eyes on Omi, prepared to speak.

There was no way...

But Omi had mentioned nothing, and Ran trusted him to be smarter than that. He had to know that he would only be endangering Aya were it to be what it appeared to be.

The two of them going out alone.

But Omi had asked him to come with them, and as to what Aya thought - well, he could do nothing about it.

Ran half closed his eyes and crossed him arms, waiting for Omi.

[pichi.livejournal.com]

Omi’s eyes widened on the spot, thrown right out of the gravity of their discussion to that point. “Eh? You will?” He’d been sure the answer would be no with the way Aya had been acting. There went Omi’s conversational balance. “U-- un...” Awkward transition, from Schwarz needs to die to yes, I’ll go to the movies with you.

Come on, shake off the surprise. Omi smiled. “I’m glad you’re coming along. I’m sure Aya-chan will be too.” He stopped, considered for a moment saying more, and decided not to. Perhaps this would be something better communicated with actions than words.

“I told her I’d meet her in the kitchen. We’ll wait for you there. Aya-kun.”

There. No way it could be mistaken as an accident said like that. A glimpse of Omi’s more confident smile came through before he turned and headed back downstairs.

[Omi leaves.... for Sunday 1.12?]

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran let out a low breath as Omi left the roof, staring at the grey of the stairwell door as it shut behind him.

He could have said no. He could have told Aya no, as her older brother. He could have convinced (ordered, was more like it) Omi that it would be a better idea to stay in, especially after the excitement of that morning.

And what would have happened? His sister, his only family, his life, would be left with no choice but to resent or defy him. He couldn't shelter her. He couldn't raise her...

He slammed down on the thought as quickly as it surfaced, faces long buried trying to appear.

He couldn't control anything.

Ran felt helpless.

Perhaps he should have sent her away. He still could. Maybe it would be best...

But maybe they would find her anyway, without any assassins at her call. Sending her to a Kritiker-run facility was an option, but would that truly be better? Or would it only put her closer to the heart of the danger and those that threatened her?

Finally and forcefully, Ran shook off his thoughts. He was accomplishing nothing.

He opened the door, and descended.

[Ran leaves for Sunday 1.12(?)]

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

...scratch that, Ran leaves for 1.18