Sunday 1.15: Solitude redux

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran, back in his room, slammed his fist down on his dresser. The picture he had, in a simple wood frame, wobbled and fell to the carpet. The quiet response to his actions just served to mimic his frustration, burning anger unable to manifest.

How dare they touch his sister again. How dare they bother them. How dare they speak to her and suggest things she was better off never knowing.

How dare Yohji, for acting like this involved him. For pretending he cared, for acting like his interest was deserved.

The thought came and went - How dare Aya, Ran, whoever he was...how dare he forget that it was not he alone who had saved her... - and made Ran's fingers curl under to press deep into the palms of his hands.

He wanted to flee this life. He wanted to start things over, he wanted the life he could have had, she could have had back.

Everything was a farce. It even felt ridiculous to eat these days, normal things like pancakes, or to drink tea. It felt ridiculous to sleep.

He didn't understand how Yohji could do it, to mingle with the rest of them like he belonged, like he wasn't something else. Like he wasn't like Ran.

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

He wanted to grab his mission gear and go back to the store, but he knew the other team would be long gone and if they weren't, the precog would have seen him coming.

Why would Kritiker not eliminate them?!

Perhaps because they couldn't.

Ran slammed his hand down on his dresser one more time, then left his room to go to the roof. He needed to meditate, and breath in outside air, even if it was never fresh.

Comments

[pichi.livejournal.com]

At first, Omi had faltered a few times in attempting to address Ran by his birth name, and accidentally called him 'Aya-kun.' That time hadn't been an accident, and he’d worried about it a little. He was glad that the man didn’t seem bothered by it. That solidified his belief that it was the right thing to do.

He had to concede that it was possible Schwarz had no purpose that morning other than to spook them. He wrinkled his eyebrows. “He’s always been out of control, I think. It just... It’s different now. In any case, I don’t think we should let our guard down, but if it really didn’t have a purpose... so much the better, isn’t it? I won’t complain if calling Aya-chan ‘princess’ is the worst they do to her.”

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

"It's what they've done." Ran hissed. He forced himself to unclench his stinging palms and grip the fabric of his jeans instead. "And we can never let our guard down. They deserve to die."

[pichi.livejournal.com]

Who did Aya think he was preaching to? His sister was still alive. Did he think Omi wanted them dead, thought they deserved death, any less than he did?

Omi shut his eyes; he was above saying such remarks aloud. "I know, but there's nothing we can do about the past, is there? All we can focus on is not letting them do anything else to her in the future."

Omi rose from his squat. It seemed to him this might be a good time to leave Aya in his solitude once more.

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran bent his head for a moment, crimson hair falling forward. Then he pressed his hands on his knees and stood up.

"I'll come," he announced.

Omi was right. There was nothing about leaving the house again or sitting through the farce of a movie that he found remotely appealing, but he could not stay behind knowing that if something happened it was due to his own selfishness. Even if he knew Aya would prefer a night out that resembled normal.

Even though she had not asked him.

But Omi was an assassin, just like the rest of them, and like the rest of them he would never be afforded the peace of ignorance or a normal life. So whatever she may be thinking, Ran considered, it was a lie. The younger Weiss was not, in Ran's eyes, her peer.

A thought struck him suddenly, and he fixed his eyes on Omi, prepared to speak.

There was no way...

But Omi had mentioned nothing, and Ran trusted him to be smarter than that. He had to know that he would only be endangering Aya were it to be what it appeared to be.

The two of them going out alone.

But Omi had asked him to come with them, and as to what Aya thought - well, he could do nothing about it.

Ran half closed his eyes and crossed him arms, waiting for Omi.

[pichi.livejournal.com]

Omi’s eyes widened on the spot, thrown right out of the gravity of their discussion to that point. “Eh? You will?” He’d been sure the answer would be no with the way Aya had been acting. There went Omi’s conversational balance. “U-- un...” Awkward transition, from Schwarz needs to die to yes, I’ll go to the movies with you.

Come on, shake off the surprise. Omi smiled. “I’m glad you’re coming along. I’m sure Aya-chan will be too.” He stopped, considered for a moment saying more, and decided not to. Perhaps this would be something better communicated with actions than words.

“I told her I’d meet her in the kitchen. We’ll wait for you there. Aya-kun.”

There. No way it could be mistaken as an accident said like that. A glimpse of Omi’s more confident smile came through before he turned and headed back downstairs.

[Omi leaves.... for Sunday 1.12?]

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Ran let out a low breath as Omi left the roof, staring at the grey of the stairwell door as it shut behind him.

He could have said no. He could have told Aya no, as her older brother. He could have convinced (ordered, was more like it) Omi that it would be a better idea to stay in, especially after the excitement of that morning.

And what would have happened? His sister, his only family, his life, would be left with no choice but to resent or defy him. He couldn't shelter her. He couldn't raise her...

He slammed down on the thought as quickly as it surfaced, faces long buried trying to appear.

He couldn't control anything.

Ran felt helpless.

Perhaps he should have sent her away. He still could. Maybe it would be best...

But maybe they would find her anyway, without any assassins at her call. Sending her to a Kritiker-run facility was an option, but would that truly be better? Or would it only put her closer to the heart of the danger and those that threatened her?

Finally and forcefully, Ran shook off his thoughts. He was accomplishing nothing.

He opened the door, and descended.

[Ran leaves for Sunday 1.12(?)]

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

...scratch that, Ran leaves for 1.18